ISLE OF

i RA

COMPETITION

Buddhist blurb

Jaspistos

IN COMPETITION NO. 1907 you were invited to supply a jacket 'blurb' for a book entitled Combining Buddhism with Work Performance in Switzerland (or some other country of your choice).

This was a tough combination, reminis- cent of my challenge many years ago to provide an account of the proceedings dur- ing an evening held by the Turco-Chilean Friendship Society. Most of you stuck to Switzerland, but the effects of Buddhism in the workplace were also charted in the val- leys of South Wales, in Iraq, even in the kibbutzes of Israel. Thank God I don't have to go in for my own comps. Congrat- ulations to the five winners who emerged clearly (they get £20 each) and to Peter Norman, who wins the bonus bottle of Isle of Jura Single Malt Scotch whisky to the accompaniment of Zen applause.

The gum tree proved a tolerable substitute for the lotus, and our pioneering policy of beginning each day with half an hour's quiet contemplation in its shade was described as 'fair dinkum' by the hired hands. The mind-clearing spiritual disci-

pline of counting sheep allowed them to bring themselves marginally closer to nirvana while at the same time contributing materially to the effi- ciency of our operation. Our mission statement, committing us to 'shearing with due reverence for the reincarnated souls of ticks, flukes and other so-called parasites', precluded the use of dips, so quality control was of paramount impor- tance. To assist in this we introduced a 'pairing' system: one hand actually sheared while his fellow-hand encouraged and applauded his per- formance. Sheep-shearing skills were honed more effectively, we discovered, to the sound of

one hand clapping. (Peter Norman) Remember when de-layering was starting to build? When downsizing was increasing geomet- deafly? When payoff productivity was a buzz- word? (Remember when buzzword was a buzz- word?) Well, that was then. Now a new spirit is Moving behind the employment interface, and it's lighting it up with the smile of Buddha. In this fascinating study, Ernie Tscherkhin explores the roots of 'the tranquillity revolution' in Switzerland, the country that took the CH out of macho and put it into chocolate. Ever watch- ful for innovation, the Swiss were the first to see the advantages of a Buddhist workplace. The boss looks at an employee and thinks, 'That could be me next time around.' The worker realises that he might land in the executive hot- seat when the great wheel of life next turns. Envy loses its bite, power its blinkers. In place of strife comes a calm benignity. And everyone profits. (W.J. Webster)

This book aims to revolutionise management thinking in the new-age Nineties in the same way Total Quality Control did in the Eighties. While working as a consultant to Swiss watchmakers, the author noted that the watch, with its wheels within wheels culminating in the escapement, had marked similarities with the Buddhist belief In cycles of life and the ultimate escape to nir- vana. Moreover, the repetitive operations of watch manufacture reminded him of the wheel- turning rituals he had observed in Tibet. By har- nessing Buddhist doctrine through teach-ins and

work-chanting, he was able to increase workers' productivity by up to 20 per cent. Here in this book, then, is the man-manage- ment message for today: Buddhism can feed straight through to the bottom line, and even deliver a contented workforce at the same time!

The author is now living in Detroit, working on his new book Chariots of Gautama.

(Noel Petty) If you possess a fiery ambition which conflicts with your quest for spiritual fulfilment, and you love cows, this book is for you. Drawing upon months of experience in Alpine agriculture, the author explains how the com- bined pursuit of nirvana and greater efficiency can lead the individual dairy farmer and cow- herd to enlightened self-interest. He describes how, after years of cuckoo-clocking on at a Swiss timepiece factory, he decided to end his impov- erished existence by a twofold conversion: to Buddhism and dairy production. Follow his Eightfold Path to the High Pastures where his attainment of nirvana is matched by an eightfold increase in yield from his happy cows. The book is an introduction to Alpine hus- bandry, yodelling and contemplative exercises. At the very least it shows how, faced with the stresses of modern life, the reader may learn to turn away, say 'Cheese' and then meditate upon it. (M.E. Ault) Buddhism has long solved the problem of short- age of ordinands by insisting that every young man shall spend a year with a begging bowl in the yellow robe of a priest. Professor Bimbang Stampa in this work explores the possible effect of such a 'divine conscription scheme' on the British economy: the fall in unemployment, sav- ing in benefits and, perhaps above all, the change of attitude in those whose workplace has for a year been the streets and barns of our land, and who have had to touch the hard hearts of the common people.

After all, argues the Professor, the state espousal of Anglicanism has produced only sleaze, divisions and divorce. Should not the State now put away its unsatisfactory wife, and espouse a new and practical substitute?

(Paul Griffin)

No. 1910: Unromantic trip

`Jones! when from Calais southward you and I I. . ' is the first line of a poem by that great Romantic, Wordsworth. You are invited to write a modern unromantic poem (maximum 16 lines) with the same beginning. Entries to 'Competition No. 1910' by 30 November.