Q. At parties which I feel obliged to attend in
order to keep up university ties, one particular old friend, who works for an agency famous for managing spunky tweenie popstars, has taken to regaling her audience with endless lame tales of her celebrity encounters, which include her presenter sibling. While eyes glaze over and blank faces stare straight through her, she continues without pause for breath and always fails to ask news of her listeners. Bearing in mind that this used to be my closest friend before I was thrown to the wayside in her chase for glitz and glamour, how does one approach this self-indulgence without appearing envious of her proximity to C-list life? I have grown weary of waiting for this phase to pass.
E.K., London NWI A. An annoying, but effective, method of correcting this behaviour would be for you and her other friends to cry out 'Ding!' with each celebrity name-drop. It is impossible to keep up the momentum of an anecdote which is being constantly interrupted by a chorus of voices shouting 'Ding!' When she demands to know what 'Ding!' means, you can reply that you are just imagining how the cash registers at the tabloid newspapers would be sounding were they only able to eavesdrop. Then carry on shouting 'Ding!' when she resumes the tales. She will soon make the Pavlovian connection between telling C-list tales and irritation, and with luck you will see a return to normal conversation.
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