CROOKED ANSWERS.

WITHIN the compass of two short articles in Macmillan, under the title of "Diversions of a Pedagogue," Mr. Raven gave to the world such a delightful and well-assorted collection of schoolboy blunders as it would be hopeless to attempt to rival. It is at present our purpose merely to supple- ment these with a few specimens of the inaccuracy of some of their sisters, over whom it was the writer's lot at one time to preside in the capacity of "gerund-grinder," to borrow Carlyle's phrase. Entertaining as these answers have often been, the general impression left has been that in the quality of reckless daring, boys are as yet far ahead of girls. Certainly, as far as the faculty of diverting the pedagogue goes, Plato's distinction between the powers of men and women as one of degree only, seems to hold good. Or it may be that as yet the fewer num• bers and greater earnestness of female students accounts for the comparative dearth of bon-mots.

There are some blunders which approximate unconsciously to

a joke, and to this category belong the following samples :- Q. What is the feminine of senex ? A. Seneca. Q. Give the genitive and English of grus. A. Gruntis, a pig. It often happens that the new pronunciation, spite of incontestable merits, is, nevertheless, a fruitful source of error, while we con- tinue, when naming the vowels, to employ the English method. Thus, we spell eini [the perfect of emo] ee, em, i, but pronounce it ayrnee. So it is entirely to sounding the c hard that the following literal rendering must be attributed, —" QUM demisere nevi " (iEneid IL), " They hanged him by the neck." Virgil has at all times afforded wide scope for mistranslations ; and to a young lady of a musical turn it no doubt seemed the most natural thing in the world to translate, "(Epytides) signum dedit insonuitque flagella" " Gave the signal and sounded his flageolet." It is not unreasonable to suppose that an imposing equipage was present to the mind of another pupil who rendered "Hannibal quadrato agmine venerat," "Hannibal had come with a four-fold van."

In one department, however—that of malaprops—girls un- doubtedly bear the palm. Sheridan was true to nature in representing a woman as the most perfect exponent of this peculiar figure of speech, and it was from an intellectual descendant of that entertaining character that the following specimens emanated. Speaking of the treatment of Roman slaves, she remarked, " Once they mutilated [mutinied], but it did no good." And again, in the course of some discursive lucubrations on the life and character of Pope, "Not many, perhaps, excepting Dennis, ventured to attack him, except anomalously."

Lewis Carroll gave quaint utterance to a real truth in his ex-

planation of sundry vocables in his immortal "Alice," as being portmanteau words. There is a hazy, ill-defined image floating about, and a fancied similarity or false analogy is all that is required to produce some such result as the following :—Q. What were the points of dispute at the Synod of Whitby ? A. (inter alia) The tonciad :—(obviously a mixture of tonsure and Dunciad). The next blunder, again, is an excellent instance. Minucins was described as " Hannibal's (sic) horse-bearer," the girl having confused the two titles of "standard-bearer" and "master of the horse," without, in the least intending to ascribe such Herculean powers to the . officer in question, as the appellation might seem to imply. Two definitions may suffice to complete this collection of school-girl blunderings Q. Who were the non-jurors ? A. Non-jurors were those who would not or could not be jurymen. Q. What is an Agnostic ? A. A sort of riddle. We doubt whether at present any girl could perpetrate such astounding blunders as the rendering of " Ultro pollicitus est (plod antea negaverat," by " He promised to the uncle what he bad refused to the aunt ;" or that of " remigio alarum," by " in the midst of alarms." We are inclined to believe that Latin is not yet a sufficiently familiar subject in girls' schools to breed the contempt or neglect requisite for the commission of such enormities.

While on the subject of mistranslations, it may perhaps be allowable to introduce a notable instance of the result of using a

" crib " not wisely but too well. An undergraduate having been put on in vied voce to construe Livy, boldly started off,

"Hitherto, the Carthaginian General," &c., to the great bewilder- ment of his examiners,inasmuch as there was no proper name in the text. Eventually it transpired that in the translation, which he had employed so assiduously as to know in great measure by heart, the first word of every chapter was printed in capitals ;

and he was thus beguiled, on the analogy of such words as "Himilco," into mistaking an English adverb "Hitherto" for a Carthaginian proper name. A desperate love of taking " shots " rather than own to ignorance is the cause to which some of the

most delightful errors are due. Here are two or three examples:— " Odora canum vie," "a strong doggy smell." Q. What English

word is derived from Phasis (the river) ?—A. Facsimile. Q. What was the sound of the Greek digamma ?—A. Like a

big drum. Our last specimen is perhaps out of place in a. collection of mistranslations and crooked answers; but we trust

our readers will find in the following They enough intrinsic

merit to warrant their intrusion. They were written in perfect good faith by a little boy of ten years old in response to the (in our opinion) somewhat ill-advised request of his master that he and his form-fellows should all write poems on the Tay- bridge disaster :-

" Now it nears the dreadful place, Death is staring in its face,

But wince not, budge not, gallant stoker, Near the fire stand with your poker.

Now the wind blows loud and strong, Shaking all the bridge along, But wince not, budge not, &c.

Then there comes an awful crash, And with it a dreadful smash, But wince not, budge not, &c.

Down sinks the train into the deep, Many gentle mothers weep, But wince not, budge not, &c.

On the next day were divers sent, On bringing up dead bodies bent, But wince not, budge not, &c.

Several bodies there were found, But every one of them was drowned.

But wince not, budge not, gallant stoker, Near the fire stand with your poker."