THE ANCIENT ORDER OF OSTRICHES.
[To TEE EDITOR or THE " SPECTATOR:]
Sta,—I think that the following advance copy of " St. Ethel- burga's Leaflet" for April will interest your readers. It is
• Miss Mary Carlyle Aithem who became in 1878 Mrs. Ale:seder Carlyle.
so pungent and witty that I cannot forbear the pleasure of quoting it in full. I may add that the leaflets are issued from St. Ethelburga's, Biahopegate, of which Mr. W. F. Cobb.
is the incumbent.—I am, Sir, &c., Z.
" Tim ANCIENT Socnrrr or Osmicrms.
Object : Peace at any price. Motto : Coda non facia.' Suggestions for Serfs. Remember that :- (1) If you do not notice things they do not exist. (2) If you are devoted to peace as an end you may neglect the means. (3) Europe being one big powder magazine our insurance against international fire is heavy. Therefore drop your insurance alto- gether. (4) Germany is only working day and night at Dread- noughts' and at Krupp's to employ her out-of-work people. Also it was pure benevolence which made her take on the Woolwich men we dismissed. (5) It is always safe with the British public. to present them with comforting but irrelevant half-truths. (6) Although every sane person knows that armaments govern policy you had better always say that policy governs armaments. It is not true but it sounds nice. (7) It is ear-tickling to compare the cost of Dreadnoughts' with Old Age Pensions, but it is not wise to dwell on the fact that without Dreadnoughts' we should all starve or be German slaves. (8) It would defeat your end to admit our inability to meet the German Navy, so ride off on the blessed word anti-democratic.' (9) When you cannot account for facts cry Scaremonger.' It saves thinking. (10) When you meet a burglar tell him you have plenty of money upstairs, and that you do not believe in fighting. Then he won't touch you or your money. (11) Don't forget to dwell on the cost of firing a big gun. Pop-guns would afford excellent training for our gunners. (12) In short, put your head in the bush, refuse to face facts, talk big about some figures which do not matter, cry Peace' though there be no peace, and so you will bring about a bloody war. But you need not care about that. Hypocrisy is now master of our political life, and you will be praised for your `humanity': which means that you are too much of a slave at heart to be a patriot.
The above is dedicated to sedentary fanatics, Little Englanders, Socialists, loafers, anaemics, loungers, and all other ignorant, selfish, or misguided people who are helping Germany to land her soldiers on our shores."
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