Q. Over the past three years a small birthday lunch
party has been given for me by the mother of my daughter’s best friend at school. She invites a handful of other school mothers, and as we leave for the school run she says, ‘Same time, same place, next year!’ It is so sweet of her. I do take her out to lunch but cannot return the birthday-party favour, as her birthday falls outside term time. My problem is that I fear the tradition has run its course. I do not like having to commit myself a year in advance, and neither, I sense, do the other mothers. Our hostess could not be kinder, but she has more time on her hands than we do. How can I, without hurting her feelings, gently suggest that the next birthday lunch — which is about to happen — should be the last?
A. C-B.,Wales A. At the next lunch ask whether anyone would mind if you left your mobile on. A cousin of yours is in hospital, about to give birth. (This is bound to be true. You don’t have to say how distant a cousin it is.) Say no more about it, but when you thank your hostess the next day, casually mention that a baby was indeed born to your cousin. ‘It’s so sweet, isn’t it?’ you can coo. ‘On my own birthday! We can start having our parties together, although it will be sad not to be spending it with you.’ In this way you can bring about a painless end to the custom.
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