YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. .
Q. At a dinner party recently a not so close acquaintance of mine amused us all with a somewhat ribald attack on cosmetic surgery, particularly the practices of lipo- suction and breast implantation. Coinci- dentally, only a few weeks before in my doctor's waiting-room, I had happened upon an extremely out-of-date colour sup- plement in which there was one of those Where Are They Now?' features, and in a group photograph of the Oxford under- graduates there depicted I espied my acquaintance, 20 years younger but, to my surprise, sporting a nose of robust propor- tion and shape. Her present appendage is a shadow of its former self and most delicate- ly modelled. With that dinner party in mind, I feel that a mild riposte is called for. Can you suggest a means?
M.C.Mc.L., London, SW10
A. Do you have any friends in the media? Even on the local paper? Glossy magazines and women's page editors of newspapers are always running articles on cosmetic surgery and always seeking to illustrate them with before and after photographs of people whose noses have been successfully remodelled. Put forward the name and Phone number of the person you mention as someone who has had transformative Surgery and may be willing to be included in such an article. Your acquaintance will
soon be horrified to receive a telephone call from the publication requesting an interview. 'How did you get my name?' she is bound to ask of her would-be exposer. 'Why, M.C.Mc.L suggested I try you,' the journalist should reply. 'She told me she would never have recognised you from an old 'Where Are They Now?' feature she saw in her doctor's waiting-room, had not your name been underneath it.'
Q. I do feel it is rather pompous and mid- dle-aged to have placement cards at dinner, but when there are more than ten people all braying at the top of their voices as I attempt to seat them I tend to become flus- tered and forget who is going where. What do other young marrieds do?
V de L., London, SW12
A. Why not take your cue from Lady Alexandra. Elletson, who often serves cold
soup as a starter and, using a pipette creamer, traces the initials of the guest in question in each bowl.
Q. A bottle of wine taken to a dinner party must surely always be an unconditional gift, unless of course you have made a prior arrangement to provide some of the wine for the occasion. In any case an 'extremely good ... vintage', by implication mature red wine, would not be fit to drink after a journey, unless previously decanted.
S. W., London, SWI8
Q. I believe your answer to your Nairobi enquiry (6 September) was wrong. I regu- larly take a bottle when I am invited to din- ner and my guests usually do the same. No sensible person should expect their bottle necessarily to be opened, though of course it may be. The host might well have planned the sequence and choice of wine with deliberation. I have never known offence given or taken when a proffered bottle has been gratefully accepted and (perhaps with a word of explanation) put aside.
I.H., Bristol
A. This problem has generated some corre- spondence and Mary is willing to concede that on this occasion her answer was ill- considered.
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