COMPETITION
A death too far
Jaspistos
IN COMPETITION NO. 2044 you were invited to add, in the form of a letter to The Spectator, to the silly, sentimental and tasteless suggestions being made for a way to commemorate Princess Diana.
It was a letter to the Times last month that sparked off this comp. Gwendoline Wood wrote to propose a bronze statue: 'How apt to have her striding out in full flow, wearing cycling shorts, sweatshirt, baseball cap and trainers, which became her off-duty attire in her latter years. I think she would have enjoyed that.' A vast entry showed how many people there are who feel that this whole Di business deserves a send-up. Some of you went a bit over the top, though very amusingly, Mrs Galbraith and Mrs Hewison to name two, the latter opening with the Swiftian plea: 'Many women would dearly love to share Diana's pain. May we hope that a Centre will be opened where we can do so?' The prizewinners, printed below, get £20 each, and the bonus bottle of The Macallan The Malt Scotch whisky goes to Kate Irving.
Sir: I appeal to all Spectator readers to join me in the Diana Immortal Memory Benevolent Org- anisation. Let each 31 August be Dimbo Day. Linking arms and holding lighted candles, we will engulf our local hospitals in one mighty, spontaneous outpouring of love and grief. We will march in our hundreds, our thousands, seek- ing out the operating theatres, the intensive care units, the recovery rooms. No one will dare bar our way, for we are doing it in her name — we are Dimbos. When each sufferer awakens, the first face they see will be a Dimbo, and the first words they hear the assurance that they will never be alone again — ever. (Kate Irving)
Sir: In the papers and on the radio, I've been reading and hearing about all the many wonder- ful ideas to commemorate Princess Diana, but I have a new and better suggestions. This is it: a Virtual Reality Diana, all ready for home use (batteries included). If you're ever feeling unhappy, your Diana will care for you as much as you need. You can walk round minefields and even act out the crash with your superb YR-DI. What's more, you can be with Diana at the crash and always know she'll come back for you. With
changeable clothes and hairstyles, it's a 'must' for the Diana commemoration. (Freddie Woolfe) Sir: The Princess of Wales deserves a Kensing- ton Gardens Memorial to rival Sir George Gilbert Scott's noble erection of 1876. A frieze at its tiered base will depict the compassionate Princess's range of attachments, and who better to depict the visceral predicament of landmine victims than Damien Hirst, at the cutting edge of our art? The tower will be topped by holograph- ic images of Diana as trend-setter. There will be music: by day, 'Candle in the Wind', Sir Elton's wonderful, recycled tribute that brought dignity to the banal vulgarity of the Abbey service, and all night the disco beat of Diana's favourite com- bos to remind grateful Royal Borough residents that the 'Queen of Hearts' is still among us.
(Jeremy Lawrence) Sir: The family's desire for privacy is under- standable, yet the 'People's Princess', by defini- tion, belongs to us all. Might I suggest a compro- mise? Let the family provide mementos charting the earlier stages of Diana's life (teddy bears, gym-slips, teenage posters, etc.), and let these, with more recent items, be tastefully exhibited at different sites to form a progressive 'Diana trail' permitting reflection on her life. The sites? Why not based on her name? Let there be regional centres whose initials tally with her own first four letters (say, Derby, Inverness, Antrim and Neath), with the fifth and last (Providence, sure- ly!) at an agreed spot at Althorp. Trails might even be included in the school curriculum.
(Chris Tingley) Sir: How better to commemorate the Princess than to think of all the other women in her plight — unhappy, unfulfilled, spinning out their lives from one photo-opportunity to the next with no support except for a large staff, a private income and free air tickets! If only they had somewhere to unwind, practise aerobics, com- mune with their inner selves or receive appropri- ate types of therapy! The hostel — Di's, as it might be called — would offer suitable positions to army officers or rugby footballers willing to retrain and make themselves useful. A sympathet- ic shopkeeper might arrange the supplies, though not, perhaps, the transport. No cause would have been closer to her heart. (`Major Bounder') Sir: Is it not obvious that the late Princess of Wales should be memorialised through one of her primary concerns — and not a purely nega- tive one, like her campaign against landmines? She was widely mocked by ill-wishers for her 'shop-till-you-drop' lifestyle, but it remains a fact that she brought prosperity and prestige to the retail industry, so often an undervalued national asset. I suggest, therefore, that a charity credit card should be issued — a Diana's Club card, if you like, bearing her image and a suitable motto — which would donate a fixed percentage of its profits to charities of which she approved. And how millions of grieving souls would find solace in handling her likeness! (Basil Ransome-Davies) Sir: As a lasting memorial what is surely required is a Diana Laureate. For reasons which must remain unstated, Ted Hughes has been unable to pen officially his assuredly heartfelt senti- ments, but poets the length and breadth of the country have given touching voice to the nation- al grief in local journals and women's magazines. Here is an opportunity to offer one of them a permanent position to produce poetic offerings on all appropriate occasions: half-yearly and annual anniversaries of her tragic death, birth- day, saint's day, baptism, confirmation, school- leaving, birth date of each of her sons, divorce, first date with Dodi. I am sure there are other events in her sad and beautiful life which deserve regular commemoration in inspiring
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