Westminster Corridors
Monday, February 17.
Master Wilson is this day safely, returned from his travels to Muscovy, where he was received with the warm enthusiasm of the people, which — since the subjects of the Muscovite Tyrant are as so many performing seals to a stern trainer — is a sure mark only of the Tyrant's cunning ambition to flatter. Yet, in return for this empty , deceit, the Statesmen of many lands have shown themselves willing to surrender Gold, Territories, trusting Allies, and every manner of advantage. Though some might count this a poor bargain, yet is Master Wilson not of that number, for he hath trumpeted with pride a novel scheme to increase the extent of trade between Muscovy and ourselves, and hath claimed much credit for inducing the Muscovite rulers to accept an exchange that is manifestly to their advantage.
Though the details of this scheme are as yet obscure (nor is this entirely against Master Wilson's interest), its kernel would appear to be that the Queen's Government should hire out Funds to the Muscovites, so that they may purchase the goods of our manufacturers, and moreover, since these foreigners have a holy objection to usury (whereto may be traced the cause of their wretched poverty), that the money should be lent at a rate of but 7 per cent.
This Kingdom being itself much reduced in wealth, however (at least, in part because of such transactions), it is further proposed that the lucre for this purpose be borrowed from the sheiks and merchants of Arabia, who prosper mightily and charge 18 per cent. 'Tis vain to seek by rationall methods for the logick and justification of this bargain, unless it be to demonstrate to Muscovy that England herself hath no longer any attachment to the principles of Capitalist commerce, and in particular to Profit.
Wednesday, February 19.
'Tis anticipated daily that our Masters will shortly publish the regulations under which the Great Referendum, to determine once and for all whether this Kingdom should be permanent part of a European Confederacy, is to be held; even though those, who are most zealous for the continuance of the alliance, persist in denouncing the Referendum itself as a vile intrusion into the British system of Parliamentary government of outlandish and unsuitable continental experiments. Having been informed by Ministers and their agents behind the hand, various Scribblers make bold speculation that the votes will be ferried to London from all parts, and there counted, and no sign be given how individual Constituencies have chosen in this great matter. For, if it were known how Banbury or Worthing were persuaded, simpletons and unworldly enthusiasts for Constitutional Democracy might argue that it was the duty of their MPs to represent these feelings, and not to imagine that they had resolved the topick to universal satisfaction by throwing a quotation from Edmund Burke in the Electorate's face.
Nor have the opponents of a Referendum altogether abandoned the hope that it might be prevented. Indeed, by this day's post I have a pamphlet from the Bow Tories (who would be thought enthusiasts for Liberty, wherefore they hotly contest the people's right to influence their affairs). And it is argued therein that those who have never journeyed to Denmark, nor can stomach Parisian cooking, ought not to be able to cast a vote on a topick of which they must necessarily be ignorant. For this might, in time, lead to further outrages, as for instance a Referendum upon Hanging by such few as will then have escaped being murdered.
Saturday, February 22.
A Speech of the utmost moment has this day been delivered by Master Jeremy Thorpe. For, having reminded his listeners that the Liberal Party exists to promote radical new departures, that the expedients attempted by administrations formed from the two great parties have produced but miserable results of late, and that 'twas folly to ignore the lessons of history, Master Thorpe proposed the controul of workmen's wages by Statute.
Tom Puzzle
Previous page
