GAME OF CONSEQUENCES Caroline Moore

First Clue A) JOHN. John Wilkes loosed the Satanic baboon into a black mass held by the Hell-fire Club, and satirised Dr Johnson's dictum that the letter H 'seldom, perhaps never, begins any but the first syllable'. Sir John Falstaff, Henry IV, Part 11, Act I, sc. ii. Admiral John Byng, executed 1757 'pour encourager les autres'.

b) CATHERINE. Catherine Sedley, mistress of the future James II, and not the only one to be baffled by the reasons for his choice. Catherine I of Russia, orginally Martha Skavronska, wife of a Swedish dragoon, but changed her name on becoming Orthodox; Peter the Great presented her with William Mons's head. Catherine Mor- land, Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey, chs. 21-22.

c) LINCOLN. Abraham Lincoln secured the acquittal of William 'Duff Armstrong, under- mining the evidence of Charles Allen by proving that there was no moon on the night of the murder. The alleged crucifixion of Little Saint Hugh was an excuse for a pogrom of the Jews of Lincoln. Queen Eleanor died at Harby, but was embalmed at Lincoln, and her stomach is buried there. Crosses marked the resting places of her body on her journey to London. William Byrd: preface to his Psalmes, Sonets and Songs of Sadness and Pietie made into Musicke. . .

John of Gaunt, Shakespeare's 'time-honoured Lancaster', married his mistress Catherine Swynford in Lincoln Cathedral. His four chil- dren, called Beaufort from their Anjou birth- place, were legitimised; Henry VII was their descendant.

Second Clue 1) JEREMY. The conman, Face, in Jonson's The Alchemist, is exposed as Jeremy the Butler on his master Lovewit's return. Beatrix Potter's eponymous hero Jeremy Fisher ate roast grass- hopper with Sir Isaac Newton, a newt, and Alderman Ptolemy Tortoise. Jeremy Thorpe's memorable letter to Norman Scott in 1961, read out at his trial.

b) JAMES. James Butler, Duke of Ormonde, narrowly escaped hanging by 'Colonel' Thomas Blood in 1670; Blood's effrontery won him a pardon after his attempt to steal the Crown Jewels the following year. The Right Honour- able James Prior starred in the drinking match with Spotty Duvell in the officers' mess in Deolali in 1947. Both vomited simultaneously, but Spotty ceded on style, because Prior 'did it dainty' by stepping outside (Simon Raven, Shadows on the Grass). James Thurber's great- uncle Zenas died of the chestnut blight in 1866 (My Life and Hard Times).

c) SOUTHWARK. John Fletcher died waiting for a new suit (Aubrey, Letters). The Gordon Riots assembled in Southwark; Gordon, impris- oned for a libel on Marie Antoinette, died in Newgate as Israel Abraham George Gordon. Hogarth saved the handsome drummer girl (portrayed in the centre of 'Southwark Fair') from an attack by the brutal ringmaster. Harry Bailly is Chaucer's landlord in the Canterbury Tales.

Jeremy Bentham visited James Leigh Hunt, who was imprisoned in Surrey Gaol for pub- lishing a libel on the Prince Regent ('a fat Adonis of fifty'). Bentham left his body to research, and his over-active brain yielded a strange, almost unfreezable liquid (which James Mill thought might be used for oiling high- latitude chronometers . . .). Third Clue

a) GODFREY. Godfrey Kneller was painting James II when William of Orange landed in 1688. Godfrey Cass was the father of Hephzibah (`Eppie) in George Eliot's Silas Marner. God- frey or Godefroi de Bouillon is the 'stock' hero celebrated by the depressive Torquato Tasso in Gerusalemme Liberata.

b) OLIVER. Oliver Goldsmith was jealous of the admiration afforded to Fantoccini's puppets, but broke his shin trying to do better (Boswell, Life of Johnson). Oliver Cromwell died of a `bastard tertian ague', now identified as malaria, and refused quinine because it was produced by the Jesuits. Oliver Mellors was Lady Chatter-

Second clue — 'great-uncle Zenas'

ley's lover. In 1960, Roy Jenkins and Norman St John-Stevas were witnesses for the defence in the prosecution of Penguin Books under the Obscene Publications Act.

c) LANCASTER. George Fox, founder of the `Quakers' — nicknamed by Gervase Bennet after Fox's injunction to 'quake and tremble at the word of the Lord'. William Whewell, Master of Trinity College, Cambridge, described by Sydney Smith. The cartoonist Osbert Lancaster, chronicler of Drayneflete (through generously acknowledging the 'veritable mine of extraor- dinary information' provided by Miss Dracula Parsley-ffigett) in Drayneflete Revealed, etc. Ian Lancaster Fleming spent the war in Naval Intelligence, code-name 17F.

Sir Godfrey Huggins met the Colonial Secret- ary, Oliver Lyttelton, at the Lancaster House Conference of 1953, and established the Federa- tion of Nyasaland and Southern Rhodesia.

Fourth Clue a) WILLIAM. William Augustus, 'Butcher' Cumberland; Sweet William and Stinking Billy were popularly connected with him; the Cumberland Cock — a military hat — named after him; and Tyburn Gate renamed in his honour. W. H. Hudson married Emily Win- grave, and gave his name to Phaeotricus (Cni-

polegus) Hudsoni, the South American Black Tyrant Bird. William Turner, d.1584; he im- posed upon an adulterer the penance of standing in as a bishop while he trained his dog.

B) THOMAS. Thomas Coryate, buffoon at the court of James I, travelled through Europe on foot; Coryate's Crudities were 'hastily gobbled up. . .' etc ('crude' = undigested); Fullers i

Worthies describes his head. Thomas Hobbes is the vomiting philosopher, described by Aubrey, Brief Lives. T. S. Eliot, bank clerk in Lloyds; Virginia Woolf and the Sitwells describe his powder (`the colour of forced lily-of-the- valley. . .'). c) LIVERPOOL. W. E. Gladstone blew off his finger in a shooting accident (but kept it in a bottle: it was buried with him); Glynnese was the private language of his wife's family. J. J. Audubon, born at Les Cayes to Mlle Rabin (unreliable autobiography), ruined George Keats with a fraudulent steamboat venture, and John had to bail his brother out with the money he was saving to marry Fanny; first subscription to the Birds of America in Liverpool. George Stubbs, 20 years in Liverpool; the DNB is rather sniffy about the well-known story of his ability single-handedly to carry the carcasses of horses up to his studio for dissection. W. S. Gilbert, briefly a lawyer on the Northern Circuit; Trial by Jury, 1875. William Cobbett exhumed the bones of VW" mas Paine, declaring them at Liverpool customs house. The skeleton was mislaid some nine, during the subsequent storm of hatred and derision.

Fifth Clue

a) FRANCES. Frances Howard, Countess of Essex, used this extraordinary overkill to poison Sir Thomas Overbury (or Thomas Ouerburie, if you want to extract the contemporary anagram 0, 0, a busie murther'!); accomplice Anne Turner was hanged by Justice Coke in the roffleAs she had brought into fashion. Frances Corn waswas the ex-prostitute model and mistress of Dante Gabriel Rossetti, who posed for the `Bocca Baciata' and 'Fazio's Mistress' — also known as 'Aurelia'. Frances Stuart, court beam' under Charles II (Anthony Hamilton won the title 'Lantern-mouth); she posed as Britannia for several medals and coins, including Raet- tiers's. b) STEPHEN. Stephen Marshall was the pam- phleteering Presbyterian divine whose initials in 1641 headed this unwieldy acronymic pseudonym. Julian Birdbath, the left-wing intel- lectual living down a disused lead mine In Derbyshire, is currently working upon a biogra- phy of Sir Stephen Spender (Peter Simple, Way of the World'). Stephen Dedalus, nick" named by Buck Mulligan in James JO° Ulysses. c) CHELTENHAM. Geoffrey Prime, worked GCHQ at Cheltenham, found guilty of spying 1983. E. A. Wilson went on the worst journeY in the world to study obsessively broody EmPeT. penguins, and then on Scott's doomed exPu!.. tion; the cross erected on the hill above the? tent bore the last lines of Tennyson's '1.11Ysses.i Sir Alfred Munnings, who lost an eye when was pierced by a thorn, once designed Poste':

a` for Caley's chocolates, and painted meetings Cheltenham racecourse. P. G. Wodehouse saw Warwickshire fast bowler Percy Jeeves playing_ against Gloucester, and gentleman's gentleman Reginald gained his well-known surname.

ANSWERS AND WINNERS

Frances Burney went to Cheltenham with King George in 1788, where she had this unsatisfactory dalliance with Stephen Digby (Diaries). Digby married Miss Gunning, and Fanny General D'Arblay.

Sixth Clue

a) LAURENCE. Times correspondent Laur- ence Oliphant — Lord Elgin's private secretary during the storming of Tientsin — became the disciple of Thomas Lake Harris. Friar Laur- !ace's letter, entrusted to Friar John, miscarries nt Romeo and Juliet. Laurence Harvey, born Larushka Mischa Skikne, played the heroes in the films of both books (1964 version of Of human Bondage). b) RALPH. Ralph Vaughan Williams was apprehended on a cliff-top by a boy scout who thought he was making maps. His great-uncle was Charles Darwin, who sailed in the Beagle With three converted Fuegians and Captain Fitzroy — an amateur phrenologist who thought Darwin's nose showed a dubiously weak charac- ter. Ralph Greatorex drank the liquid embalm- ing the body of John Colet (`the body felt, to the Probe of a stick which they thrust into a chinke, like bo led Brawne. . .'), Aubrey, Brief Lives. alph Allen was the philanthropist, celebrated Pope, Epilogue to the Satires, i, 136; Henry ilelding benefited from his charity, and is nPposed to have made him the model for 4quire Allworthy. DURHAM. The future Bishop of Durham, Shute Barrington, damaged the eye of Charles, first Marquis of Cornwallis, in a hockey game at ."'It)n; Cornwall defeated Tippoo Sahib at 7ringapatam; the self-styled Tiger of Mysore "Wiled the mechanical tiger, savaging a soldier, which is now in the V and A. 'Count' Joseph eruwlaski or Boruslawski (d.1837) left his shoes in Marlborough's cabinet of curiosities at Blenheim. Christopher Smart, educated at Durham Grammar School, wrote part of the Song to David' in the madhouse. The Vener- able Bede was originally buried at Jarrow, but bones were stolen by Alfred of Durham in I/20; thequotation is from Historia Ecclesias- tic& h.Sir Laurence Olivier rashly invited Sir Ralph rn,tchardson to a party in Durham Cottage in 0'4. The incident is commemorated by a rocket mil the first night of new productions at the National Theatre.

Seventh Clue al Li CHARLES. Squire Charles Waterton, the centric naturalist, who experimented with rare poison and bit the ankles of visitors to

alton Hall; he also annoyed the Pope by

d leaving his gloves on top of St Peter's. Charles Gaulle, nicknamed at military academy, was tthreatened in Churchill's idiosyncratic French at

Casablanca Conference of 1943; some claim

was the only time he was seen to laugh utilung World War H. Charles Foster Kane: B song from Orson Welles's Citizen Kane. 61 PETER. Peter Ilyich Tchaikowsky, briefly a ...ell( in the Ministry of Justice, married Antoni- Ivanovna Milnikova in a spasm of guilt ocluced by the fate of Tatiana in Eugene 104,_egin. Peter Pindar was the pseudonym of

Wolcot, who had been a clergyman in 47,aica; The Lousiad describes King George III

g wildlife on his plate: ricivv, how? What, what? — what's that, What's that?' he cries

With rapid accent and with staring eyes. `Look there, look there — what's got into my house?

A louse, God bless us, louse, louse, louse, louse, louse!'

Peter Pienaar in John Buchan's Mr Standfast.

c) SLOUGH. 'Slough', by Sir John Betjeman ('Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough. . .'). Smollett's eponymous Humphrey Clinker helpfully offers to kill Tabitha Bram- ble's lapdog, Chowder, in Salthill, now absorbed into Slough. Caroline Herschel, sister and laboratory dogsbody to William, discovered her own comets 1787-97. The neurotic shampooer was the Empress Elisabeth of Austria (who also bathed in olive oil and put raw meat and

Third clue — Oliver Goldsmith

strawberries on her face), stranded at Slough railway station in 1876 (where the stationmaster offered her cold beef and the Ingoldsby Legends); the Emperor Maximilian's wife Car- lotta went mad in the Vatican pleading for the Pope's intervention in Mexico; take your pick for the other family misfortunes.

The meeting between Charles Surface and Sir Peter Teazle in Sheridan's School for Scandal, described with circumstantial bravura and com- plete inaccuracy by Crabtree (Act V, sc. ii) who claims that Joseph Surface had just been to Salthill, Slough.

Eighth Clue

a) FRANCIS. Sir Francis Dashwood, a member of the Dilettanti Club, and 'a man to whom a sum of five figures was an impenetrable secret', gave this not unduly modest estimate of his abilities as Chancellor of the Exchequer. Francis Jeffrey, editor of the Edinburgh Review, criti- cised and was then challenged by Thomas Moore. Francis Thomson, Catholic opium addict, saw the child while 'pausing in reverie before an arum lily' (Health and Holiness).

b) ROBERT. Robert Stephen Rintoul, re- founder and editor of the Spectator from 1828, calling for the Reform Bill. Robert Stewart, Viscount Castlereagh, saw the vision as a young man in Ballyshannon, duelled with Canning 1809, and cut his own thoat with a penknife in 1822. Robert Herrick, reluctantly rural poet and priest of Dean Prior, writing to the local river ('Dean-bourn, a rude river in Devon, by which sometimes he lived', Hesperides).

c) GLASGOW. Sir John Moore, accidentally drank the poison in 1799 after being wounded in the Holland campaign, but coolly made himself vomit and survived — until Corunna. Rudolph Hess parachuted in from a Me 110 to visit the Duke of Hamilton, and was held in the Maryhill Barracks (where he read Three Men in a Boat, while Goebbels tried to disgrace him by claiming that he had performed South American Indian dances after the birth of his son. . .); Churchill went to see The Marx Brothers Go West. Daniel Defoe was sent to spy on the Jacobites by Harley in 1706. Lord Brougham and Vaux was drunk with rhetoric in the second reading of the Reform Bill, 7 October 1831.

Francis Osbaldistone visits Glasgow cathed- ral, hears the whisper of Robert Campbell (Rob Roy McGregor) and is taken to meet his friend Owen in prison in Walter Scott's Rob Roy, chs 20-22.

Ninth Clue a) SAMUEL. Samuel Pepys records the cop- rophiliac cartoon (Diary, 7 February 1660); the buttocks represent the Rump Parliament, sup- ported by Vice-Admiral Sir John Lawson (`Boys do now cry "Kiss my Parliament" instead of "Kiss my Arse" '). Samuel Palmer, member of the 'Ancients', described by his son. Goldwyn- isms from Samuel Goldwyn, born Goldfisch, became Goldfish on immigration, and Goldwyn on merger with Edgar Selwyn.

b) JOSHUA. Harold Wilson visited Joshua Nkomo in 1965, and produced a list of guaran- tees, but Nkomo thought he saw the sun shining through the paper, and was convinced it was a blank. Joshua Slocum, the first solo circumnavi- gator, set out in The Spray in 1909 and dis- appeared. Joshua Smallweed in Dickens's Bleak House; his brother-in-law Krook underwent spontaneous combustion — as, Dickens claims in the preface, did the Contessa.

c) LEICESTER. 'Joe' Orton, sentenced for defacing Islington library books (he superim- posed a naked tattooed man upon a photograph of Betjeman), was murdered by Kenneth Hal- liwell in 1967. Thomas Cavendish, died on board the Leicester, aiming for the Cape of Good Hope. Lost the ships Content (1587) and Desire (1592). Jonathan Swift's mother lived at Leices- ter. He was taught about asparagus and offered a troop of horse while working as Temple's secretary; his envelope contained a lock of Esther Johnson's hair.

Samuel Johnson consulted Sir Joshua Reynolds in 57 Leicester Square as to whether he could accept a pension, which he had so defined in his Dictionary. He did, despite criticisms, and the obligation to the government (Boswell, Life).

Final Solution The middle letter or letters of each town spell out CHARTERHOUSE, where Steele and Addison met and made friends. The result, of course, was the original Spectator. 'Mr Specta- tor' is not named, but there are frequent references to his short face (e.g. No. 17). The quotation is from Twelfth Night, Act II, sc. iii.

GAME OF CONSEQUENCES

The competition this year was perhaps too hard — and too easy.

Its hardness is obvious; and I apologise for setting such a gruelling marathon. From my point of view the competition was easier to compile than last year's — no wrestling with anagrams, and just a free-association of Christ- ian names. (The crunch came only when I checked on sources, and discovered that they all came from Aubrey, Boswell and Walpole; or, alternatively, couldn't track them down my- self. . . . Where can I have read that Gladstone used to keep soup in his hot-water bottle?) I did not really take in how long it was; and the looser structure was obviously harder for you as it was easier for me. All the more credit, then, to the 95 competitors who struggled through to the end — almost all with the Christian names and towns and final meeting place correct.

At the same time, however, it was, amazingly, too easy for the astonishing energy and erudition of some of you. Though some familiar, witty and worthy foes did less well than before, this year no fewer than six entrants got it all right; and three others posted hot upon their heels, with only one slip. . . .

Before the results, however, an analysis of the race. There was no single trouble spot to match the Chatterton-trap of last year, though Charles Foster Kane, J. J. Audubon, Ian Lancaster Fleming and Fanny Cornford all claimed their quota.

Lincoln caused few problems (I was rightly rebuked by the Board of Deputies of British Jews for not making it plain to the meanest intelligence that the Jews were framed for the murder of Little St Hugh: I apologise, but suspect that such very mean intelligences wouldn't be doing the Spectator competition).

In Southwark, Jeremy the Butler was quite often identified as Jeremy Diddler from James Kennedy's Raising the Wind; and a few pleasing scenarios depicted Jeremy Taylor or Jeremy Collier eating grasshoppers with Newton (Mrs Margaret Jenkins ingeniously wondered if a rabbit could be a grass-hopper).

In Lancaster, quite a few unearthed Godfrey as the father of Hephzibah in Pinero's The Notorious Mrs Ebbsmith. 17F was most com- monly identified as a Lancaster bomber; but one or two informed me that the Royal Lancaster Regiment was the 17th Foot in the 18th century, and I liked P. T. Sheridan's guess of the Birdman of Alcatraz — and Keith Harrison's of Doc, the Spectator crossword compiler.

In Liverpool, several pointed out that the name 'Sweet William', although identified with 'Butcher' Cumberland, in fact pre-dated him. William Turner posed fewer problems than I'd anticipated, Thomas Coryate more. Carlyle was a favourite guess: 'an ardent walker and sufferer from chronic indigestion, who had a long sloping forehead', as Richard Pugh urged; but I. E. Gray wanted 'Thomas "Whimsical" Walker, clown in Drury Lane harlequinades'. The things you know. . . .

In Cheltenham, Fanny Cornford was the main problem, and was most commonly identified as Fanny Kemble, acting Bianca in Dean Milman's Fazio. B. Carman produced a finely tortuous reason for making the 'one-eyed' artist into the Beggarstaffe Brothers, J. Pryde and W. Nichol- son ('one "i" in Nicholson' . . . and 'Pryde wore a monocle'!). Those who read P. J. Kavanagh with due attention had no problems with Wode- house at the cricket match, but Reginald Bosan- quet, `son of the googly bowler', was mentioned several times.

In Durham, the Bishop and the squint caused most problems, as I intended. You gained points anyway for recognising Tippoo Sahib, even if you had Wellington entertained by Bishop Van Millert. Inevitably, some of you wanted David Jenkins to be the Bishop: M. S. Spittal took the prize for the ingenious wresting of facts here. Equally inevitably, some of you pointed out that Bede in his Ecclesiastical History is himself quoting from one of the king's chief men. I shall not reveal the name of the absent-minded competitor who wrote that 'Adam Bede' is buried at Durham.

In Slough, Citizen Kane was (again, I fear, intentionally) the main stumbling-block. Cham-

Seventh clue — Empress Elisabeth of

Austria pagne Charlie was a popular guess; Richard Pugh — a fund of inventive cleverness guessed that he was 'C. W.', a member of the Bonnie and Clyde gang, celebrated by Bonnie Parker. Peter Townsend ran Peter Pienaar a close second for the heroic aviator; and some wonderfully exotic Sisi's were produced ('Sisi Wilczek' from the erudite Jack Walton; while J. Gill thought I was capable of expecting you to spot 'Lady Cecilia Dreddington in Ten Thousand a Year by Samuel Warren'.) In The School for Scandal, yes, some editions do print 'Shakespeare', rather than 'Pliny' — 'Pliny' is the early text, though subsequent emendations in performance were probably by Sheridan.

A confession for Glasgow, however: as sever- al of you pointed out, Francis Thomson's twee hallucination was 'white-stoled', not 'white- soled'. 'Stoled' was what I sent to the typeset- ters; but there is no excuse for not spotting the misprint. . . . Many different editors called Robert were proposed for the famous call for the Bill; but here I was firm. No marks for anyone who didn't give credit to the Spectator. And enormous numbers of spying writers appear to have swarmed into Scotland, from John Buchan, through Compton Mackenzie, Conan Doyle and Erskine Childers to 'Edward Weismiller, author of The Serpent Sleeping' an agent of the USA, apparently submitted by Mr and Mrs Finn. Jennifer Breem refused to speculate upon the identity of the vomiting general: 'Every Glasgow-born general did this.' Lord Hailsham secured several votes as the (non) drunken Lord Rector. Cantering down the home straight, Leicester proved relatively easy. I'd thought Thomas Cavendish would be more of a puzzle. Andrew McLeod even prefaced his exemplary notes with a reproduction of Orton's handiwork upon Betjeman! I'd meant the final rhyme and decoding to be very simple. Everyone got the main point, indeed; but I was disconcerted by the ferocious exegesis expended upon my feeblest utterances: . . round the table seating originated in Sir William Harcourt's attempts to reunite the Liberals in 1857', or 'the critical board (The Mandarins) meet at a Round Table; the Printers (The Mensheviks) then take over. . I shall try to make any future rhymes more worth while; this time, I'm afraid that the only real allusions were very obvious.

The result of all this was a photo-finish. Six astonishingly accomplished contestants ended up neck-and-neck. The steward's inquiry eon' centrated upon the proviso of explaining allu- sions and identifying quotations: relevant detail was all. . . (Did you identify Deane-bourn' and the Herrick poem, hint at the nature of a Cumberland cock, spot the submerged allusion to Fielding, and so on?). At the end, two sets of answers emerged as almost unshakeable. The joint winners will draw for first and second prizes. First prize is an 18th-century aquatint of India engraved by Thomas and William Daniell, plus a Swan Hellenic Art Treasure Tour. Second prize is a compete set of the Oxford English Dictionary. The next four entrants, who were so veil close, will draw for the third prize — a case of Glenfiddich Pure Malt Whisky. The three who miss it will be consoled by a case of wine each.

The results, then, are as follows: Equal First: A. Fort, 70 Bramfield Place' London SW11. Philip and Anna Dunlop, 21 Priestnall Road, Heaton, Mersey, Stockport.

Equal Third: Angus Tarn, 10 Park Avenue, Carshalton, Surrey.

J. W. Leonard, Cross Trees, Sutton CourtenaY' Oxon.

Nancy, Lady Henley, 47 Sydney Buildings, Bath.

Mrs Beverley Stoop, 28 Edith Grove, SW10. Congratulations and commiserations to the brilliant runners-up — the first three of whom made only one slip: Jonathan Baker, Maiden- head; Andrew McLeod, London Ell; Ana Rossiter, Walthamstow; Jack Walton, Epsom; R. C. Napthine, Bedford; T. A. H. TYle; Kemsing, Kent; M. F. Drury, Merchant Taylor School, Middlesex; V. Harris, Bedford; 13' Carman, London NI ; John Light, New 1-13W' Surrey; W. T. Shorey, Bradford; Hugo Page' London SW7; J. Whitlock Blundell, Lo day NW5; I. E. Grey, London WC1; P.T. Sheridan, Sidcup; Mrs C. J. Airy, Salcombe Regis; P. 111: Sheppard, Currie; Miss C. M. Phillips, Eat- leigh; G. C. Jones, London SE9; Mrs C. Jae'' Edinburgh; Doris Nicholson, Oxford. Thank you all for entering, and congratule" tions to everyone. Another impressive displait from those who enjoy the historical equivalent of page three of the Daily Telegraph. Next Yeas — if I do it again — the competition will perhaPA be easier overall (but harder in parts). AZ perhaps there will be fewer references to due' ing, vomiting and circumnavigators.