YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. I am a busy working girl and have been asked by my sister to assist in decorating her new flat — a frequent family occur- rence. She has asked me to make the cur- tains and, having accumulated air miles from multiple business trips, she has offered a weekend in Prague in recom- pense. How do I decline the task on the current terms and engender some under- standing of the Herculean labours involved for future reference?
L.N. Shrewsbury A. Tell your sister that you would love to tackle the project but because you have so much on for the foreseeable future you feel that the wait would drive her mad. You do, however, know of another curtain-maker who you are sure would be able to get mov- ing immediately and 'why don't you contact her and spell out what needs to be done and tell her that a trip to Prague is on offer?' Override your sister's objections that this professional curtain-maker will certainly want to be paid in money rather than in air miles and insist on ringing her. You can then get back to your sister and, laughing apologetically, say, 'Whoa ... she nearly bit my head off! She said that for that amount of work she would need two trips to Australia and two to Los Angeles. Sorree. Do you want me to try someone else? Or do you want to up the ante before I try them?'
Q. What do you do if your hostess has asked 13 to sit down, if you are as supersti- tious as I am about this? It has happened to me three times in the last month: teddy bears on spare chairs will not do. Recently at one of these dinner parties (in a restau- rant), my superstition led me to leave the dining table and sit alone at another table. My host was not pleased. Last week, I was sent a guest list for a lunch party and count- ed up to 13. Should I have alerted my host- ess? Advice please.
ME.S., London SWIG A. Having ruled out the possibility of any- one at the table being pregnant, why not pop into the garden — you might even be lucky in the house — and, having pierced some airholes in a matchbox with a pin, pop inside it a reasonably attractive insect such as a ladybird or small spider? The matchbox, sitting on the table, would then bring the numbers up to 14 living beings around the table. Clearly, however, it would be preferable for 14 human beings to be grouped around such a table. If, therefore, you have an opportunity to alert a hostess in advance that she has made such a numerical blunder, then it is correct for you to do so. You are not alone in being super- stitious and many people will nurse grudges if, having sat down with 12 others, they are then breathalysed on their way home, or indeed if anything at all goes wrong for them within the following fortnight. 'It was that wretched dinner for 13,' they will grumble.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, write to Dear Mary, clo The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL.
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