SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. Iss Report by D. R. Peddy

Clio, Muse of history, is checking her records for accuracy, and has asked for evidence on certain matters. A prize of £5 was offered for a frank statement by one of the following on the inside story of the subject with which he is associated : King Alfred (cakes) ; King Canute (waves) ; Robert the Bruce (spiders) ; Dick Whittington (cats) ;_ Drake (bowls) ; Raleigh (cloaks) ; George Washington (cherry trees).

Twenty-one out of the seventy-two entries for this competition were meritorious ; among the rest a few good ideas, inadequately developed, "shone like good deeds in a naughty world." Canute and Alfred were favourites, with Raleigh a close third, but there was a sameness about most of these.ideas, which usually gave Canute 's adventures a medicinal explannon and accounted for Raleigh's by the theory that his pipe had burned his cloak.

Willy Tadpole's poem was ingenious but hardly in accordance with the terms of reference. Guy Kendall had a good notion for Alfred —that Clio had got her dates mixed and that the cakes were actually burned by Alf King, a modern cockney N.C.O.—and I liked N. Hodgson's version, in which His Majesty made some unfortunate cookery experiments in the company of a comrade, Har-Ben. Pibwob's Raleigh had a contract to lay down drains (cloacae) from the Palace to the Thames.

I also enjoyed Granville Garley's "... As the tide was on the point of turning I made my appearance, and the instructions to retreat were carried out by the waves amid general acclamation. The now well-known idiomatic expression, 'He's a tough Cnut to crack 'was, I believe, coined on the spot by the Earl of Mercia (then a bathing-hut attendant) ....", and Rhoda Tuck Pook's "One word more—what can they mean who assure me that they are put- ting Tib and me on ice next year ? "(Whittington).

R. Kennard Davis's Washington romps home for first prize (£2), and I suggest that Carole Field, J. Aitken and E. W. Fordham share the remainder. Miss Field is thirteen years of age, and in my opinion shows good promise as a literary competitor. Honourable mention must go to G. J. Blundell, Edward Blishen, N. Hodgson, Michael Ford and M. H. Hills.

PRIZES

(R. KENNARD DAVIS)

Washington My pop, he gave me a li'l hatchet, 'n I went out into the yard to try it. Gee, it was sharp ! I hit a li'l cherry tree, kerplunk, an' fust thing I knowed, cherry tree was laying on the floor. Sez I to meself, "That means a leathering !" 'Fore I could hide, along comes Pop, a-cussin' and a-swearin', "Who's cut down that goldarned cherry tree ? " Wal, I could of lied, but he'd a' known sure, and larruped me twice over, once for the tree and once for the lie. So I done some quick thinking. " Pop" I sez, "I done it. I can't tell no lies; I hey to speak truth, like you learned me." Wal, it worked, by heck ! "Good boy ! " he sez, "I'd ruther you cut down a hundred (100) cherry trees, than told one stretcher." Wal, we haint got no more'n a dozen trees, so I figgered it weren't wuth tryin'. But it learned me never to lie when you'll get cotched, 'cause it don't make sense.

(CAROLE FIELD) Raleigh

It was a bright, spring morning as the Duke of- Lancaster and I walked to our favourite pitch. I had just come back from America and I had started a new line in nylons. I soon had my parcel opened, and Lancaster kept watch as I sold my stockings.

All went well until Lancaster shouted, "Look out Walter, Queen Elizabeth is coming."

In despair, I flung my cloak over the offending nylons. For I knew that Elizabeth would be livid if she thought that I had not given her a pair. The Queen stopped and stared hesitatingly at my cloak. Quick thinking was necessary. At once I remarked, "There is a puddle here your Majesty and the Royal feet must not get wet." Elizabeth smiled and stepped onto my cloak, and so into the road. I breathed a sigh of relief, picked up my cloak and nylons and resolved to buy myself a nice case in which to pack my wares. And that is the origin of the little cases which the spivs use in the New Elizabethan Age, but they do not fear a sovereign, but a copper.

(J. A ITK EN)

Robert the Bruce

Spiders! I'm feared o' the beasties. A' they've teachit me is tae sin awa* frae them, But aiblins I can explain how the legend started. When we planned tae fecht at Bannockburn we kent that we wad hae to win by strategy, for we were unco' few. So we decided Inc stand roond a wide perimeter, and tae withdraw gradually tae a pre- pared centre, leaving traps ahint us tae hold up the enemy. We wad fecht backwards doon a score or so o' lines, and we hoped that- the force that reached us at oor last stand wad be owercome, by the arrows we had-in reserve.

An' so it was. An' so we won th,e victory that not only crushed proud Edward's power, but gi'ed the Seots sic a guid brew o' themselves that neither man nor deli has friehted them since.

Aye, maybe ye've guessed. We ca'ed it Operation Spider. King Jamie tried the same dodge later at Flodden; but he was killed, puir laddie..

(E. W. FORDHAM) Raleigh

No longer do I dare conceal The dainty little business deal That I, unknown to other folk, Accomplished with my velvet cloak.

'Tis true my gracious sovereign found That I had placed it on the ground; So delicately was it set It saved her feet from mud and wet.

I took the names of one or two Intelligent bystanders who Observed this courtly incident.

Then published this advertisement- " A slightly damaged cloak for sale "Whose history could hardly fail "To stir the soul of any man, "Especially American, "Who knows the facts, for England's Queen "By trusty witnesses was seen "To walk thereon. Come round or write "At once to Walter Raleigh, Knight."

Ten thousand pounds I sold it for To Pierpont Morgan's ancestor.

Thus did I prove that loyalty Is well bestowed on royalty.