20 MAY 2006, Page 13

TUESDAY As part of internal greening measures, have persuaded parents

to buy me a new car. Julian, my over-attentive environment spokesman boss, who drives a Jaguar XJS, thinks I could be in trouble if I persist with my Range Rover Vogue.

Daddy is getting to the end of his tether. Says I can have the car, but if he has to put a windmill on the roof of Mallard’s Reach my career can go to hell. He needn’t worry. Wind is so yesterday. Kensington and Chelsea council are refusing permission for the leader’s turbine. Very unsporting.

According to Julian, Dave blew out his cheeks and looked to heaven as though relieved when they gave him the news. When asked whether he wanted to appeal he said he had an urgent appointment with his chakra massage therapist to have his chi unblocked and ran from the room. How odd.