21 APRIL 1984, Page 17

Orifices

Sir: Years ago during one of my few appearances on horseback I was trying to impress a lady companion with both my horsemanship and intellect. During a lull in the conversation my horse farted audibly. Having no knowledge of etiquette in such circumstances I apologised hesitatingly to the lady.

'It's quite alright', she retorted, 'I thought it was the horse.'

fern Cook

2 Elcot House, London Road, Marlborough, Wiltshire