SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 94 Report by Lewis Petrie A prize

of f5 was offered for ostensibly seasonable Christmas greetings, in Christmas-card form, for two of the following : the Income-tax Collector, your M.P., your Secretary, a Modern Poet, a Hotel Chef, a Radio Comic, a Gardening Enthusiast. a Food Faddist.

The large entry showed once again that far more competitors can bring off a single good shot than can manage even a competent right-and-left. Quite a few, indeed, were content with one shot only, though distinctly asked for two. Some—not having savoured the full intentions of the term " ostensibly seasonable "—were evidently quite sincere in the good wishes they expressed, particu- larly to their M.P. From those who took the term as a demand for irony, double-entendre and the claws in the velvet pad, fire was attracted pretty evenly by all the eight targets offered. The most (ostensibly) popular were, if anything, Secretaries—giving rise to some good spell " play—and Radio Comics—whom Christmas Joined with chestnuts in some felicitous appositions.

R. IL Browning was original in the way he interpreted the direction to let his real feelings be inferred, addressing his Secretary Alms- " I grete you dere, With wish sinceer For helth and- welth, In Xmass and the NEw YEer."

But he rather spoilt it with excess punctuation. Anthony Geiss's Modern Poet did not perhaps stick closely enough to the conven- tional Christmas-card idiom, but one sees what he means even if one disagrees with his third line- " Holly candle, Emily latent, Yuletide mantis, mantic tear ; I'm sure you find my meaning patent Merry merry tree-toad and a Sky-blue Year."

Of the prize winners Mrs. Ivy Simpson combined traditional form with polished malice more felicitously than anyone else. I award her £2. £1 5s. each to Miss Kathleen Hewitt (whose last two words were exactly what was wanted) and to F. A. V. Madden. 10s. to J. A. C. Morrison (worth it for rhyming " flowers " with " yours ").

FIRST PRIZE (Ivy SIMPSON) FOOD FADDIST

May the, vitamins and nutter— Lots of fovely lentils" too—

Make your Festive Board to utter Many a groan—it ought to do!

M.P.

I wish you all the joys that Xmas brings And may good luck be yours the whole year through, But, most, I wish you all those splendid things You promised us if we supported you.

SECOND PRIZES. (KATHLEEN HEWITT) Harm. CHEF Best Wishes, Chef, to your Cuisine And to Yourself, of course, With seasonal Goodwill I'm keen To salute your Flaming Sauce.

MODERN POET

Such an artist in Negation! Even Nature you correct, Now I wish you Inspiration In a Lightning Flash—direct.

(F. A. V. MADDEN) HOTEL CHEF A Christmas standing by the Grill May make your veins grow varicose, But may you, as the guests do, still

Be feeling plein des haricots '

RADIO COMIC How well you do your Christmas bit Who work so hard our laughs to raise, While snug and warm at home we sit Enjoying chestnuts by the blaze!

(J. A. C. MORRISON) RADIO Comm May you have Health, then Happiness, Good Fare (a Turkey) third.

My friend, I hope you get all these— Especially The Bird.

GARDENING ENTHUSIAST A Happy Yule and Glad New Year And may your Garden flowers Outshine all others'! Have no fear: They will—because they're yours: HIGHLY COMMENDED (EDWARD BLISHEN) RADIO COMIC The best of Yuletide jollity I wish you, famous Wag: And may among your presents be A really super Gag.

E .W. BROWNE) TAX COLLECTOR

I think of you this season of good will, When cold returns and frosty falls the dew ; When under heartless snows the world lies still, I see my holly hang—and think of you.