Low life
Gay news
Jeffrey Bernard
In the Guardian the other day Nick Davies wrote a quite brilliant piece about a 'gay' expedition to the Himalayas. If you didn't spot it the gist of the matter was the fact that a British scientist is organising the first ever gay trip to Mount Everest. Mr Phillip Judson is, it seems, contacting the Sherpa Cooperative in Nepal to arrange for carriers and a guide for a four-week trip to the base camp at 18,000 feet above sea level. Furthermore, Mr Judson realises that they may face some social problems. 'It's something that I will have to take advice on,' he said, 'We aren't going to go rushing about shouting, "Hallo, dears, here we all come." We are going as a perfectly serious walking and climbing club.'
Well, that was just one item in a fascinatingly news-packed week. I bet you didn't know that at the same time a militant feminist group were planning a safari in East Africa with the idea of shooting as many men as possible on their expedition. You also probably never suspected that a team of lesbians were setting forth up the Nile in the hope of discovering the source of that stream. Anyway, I've heard on good authority — that of Charlie and Mike in the Coach and Horses — that the feminist safari IS definitely on. It's been planned with devilish cunning too. You know how they're going to attract the men to shoot? They're going to tie buxom blondes to stakes in forest clearings to attract the bait and then they're going to let them have it with both barrels.
Other good news for the ladies last week was the item about the Frenchman who copped 8 years for raping his wife. Now, in Spite of the fact that that news item was gleefully recorded by more and more militant feminists than you could shake a stick at, it was greeted with gales of laughter by all the ladies I personally know, One of them even admitted to me over the wun tun soup in Gerrard Street that she was thinking of prosecuting her old man because of his persistent headaches and chronic tiredness Which beset him at bedtime as he rereads Sons and Lovers before lights out. But what did interest me over the Chinese lunch was the way my two lady companions chatted on about men. Quite unlike the ones going to Africa to shoot them. 'The thing is, we aren't turned on by the visual, you see.' God Almighty, if I've heard that one once I ye heard it a thousand times. 'All we're attracted by is power and possibly money.' Possibly money? Not much. On she went. Of course,' she said, 'you lot just go on looks.' Suddenly a strange thought occurred. It isn't just on looks alone, it's appearances. All these years, I thought, Eve been getting needlessly involved with the wrong people because it was the clothes I fell for and not the face or person. But then you never get what you think you're getting. Mr Judson puts it better about gays. Gay men,' he said, 'are supposed to be delicate flowers sitting among potted Palms, imbibing pink gin and talking about Opera and ballet. The club may help to show how wrong that popular image is.' I never experienced that image myself about gays and neither did I ever experience the Popular image that women spend all day rolling pastry and darning socks and putting Up tolerantly with lounge lizards. That's Why I welcome the safari of feminists. They Should certainly clear the air as to just how lethal is the fair sex. The ladies who can't afford the African outing are all meeting outside the Slade School of Art next week with the appropriate placards: 'All Men Are Rapists' etc, etc. Meanwhile, I intend to join the gay expedition to the Himalayas. One thing I've never done is drink a pink gin 18,000 feet above sea level surrounded by Potted palms and balletomanes. Could be interesting.
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