ANOTHER VOICE

The Major, the media and the massage

AUBERON WAUGH

There could be no mistaking how proud the working-class newspapers were to have caused distress in a major's family. Perhaps the poor Major was seen as a surrogate for all the retired majors who have been such an embarrassing feature on the rural scene since the days of the Indian empire. The Sun expressed an anxiety that the shock of this revelation might cause the Duchess of York to miscarry, and telephoned various eminent gynaecologists for their opinions on this. That was among its earlier reac- tions.

All week long the story continued, with its joyous refrain of class revenge. On Wednesday, the Sun painted a peculiarly disgusting picture of Barbara Ashley, the Middlesbrough-born prostitute, with the suggestion that 'she is still just an ordinary Middlesbrough lass at heart.' In Thurs- day's Mirror, under a headline 'The agony of Susan Ferguson', that immensely dis- tinguished friend of the royal family Mr James Whitaker asked:

How much more can she take? Knowing her, as I have done for a number of years, I can only hope that her patience, understanding and compassion do keep her going . . .

Sue may have been a little lah-de-dah when she was an 18-year-old debutante but, as a 41-year-old wife and mother, she's proud to let anybody know she's from good farming stock.

The Sun seemed to be running out of new angles, on Thursday confining itself to a more or less incomprehensible cartoon showing the Queen with two crocodiles, and 'CROCODILE LIZZIE' written on her shirt, saying, 'Tell Major Massage I'd like a chat with him.'

By Saturday, the story seemed to have run its course. Under the main news

headline: 'Fergie sticks by her Dad', Sun readers learned that their favourite news- paper had followed the Duchess of York around the Royal Windsor Show: 'As if expecting muddy waters ahead she in- spected a pair of country boots but did not buy them.' The Mirror tried to wring one last horror shock sensation out of the Royal Windsor Show under the headline: 'The galloping Major drops his jodhpurs': 'He strode over to a press caravan and asked the girl inside to leave. Then, clearly visible through the windows, he shocked onlookers by stripping to his underpants as he changed.'

Even this revelation did not persuade the Queen to abdicate. But on Sunday, the News of the World and the People returned to the fray, with six full pages of the latter taken up with further lists of customers supplied by the prostitute Ashley, who now hopes to retire and keep a corner-shop in Middlesbrough. That newspaper's 'Man of the People', called 'Smithy' or 'John Smith', boasted: Only one newspaper uncovered the truth about Fergie's dad and the ,vice girls. The People. So I can understand the mystification when our exclusive story turned up on the front page of one of our tackier rivals last Sunday morning. . . What a pathetic ploy by a paper which knows its place — second best.

Last Sunday's story in the People was accompanied by a copyright line: `©The People 1988 (That includes you wallies at Wapping)'. Not to be outdone, the News of the World printed further revelations from 'Royal massage girl Barbara' under the 12-column headline: 'Exclusive: How Royal in-law liked massage beauty to wear lace knickers: FERGIE'S DAD REFUSED TO TAKE PRECAUTIONS!'

All of which might be taken as evidence of healthy rivalry between Captain Max- well and Mr Murdoch to cater for the appetites of the underprivileged classes. But it was Lynda Lee-Potter in the Daily Mail who took the stronger moral line. Describing how 'Major Ronald Ferguson,

late of the Life Guards and Old Etonian, has now got his come-uppance with the revelation that he has been a frequent visitor to London's Wigmore Club,' this censorious lady continues:

There is surely something nauseating about 'a 56-year-old man liaising with these girls young enough to be his daughter, but whom he would not consider socially acceptable enough to be invited to his home.

A divorce lawyer once said to me that marriage could survive the most calamitous problems so long as respect still existed. If I were Mrs Ferguson I'd find it extremely difficult to feel respect today.

If she were Mrs Ferguson, she would also, apparently, expect her husband to bring his masseuses home to dinner. But La Lee-Potter is not going to be put off easily: `It's the damage he's wrought on his own family that is surely unforgiveable.' Never mind that the damage has been wrought entirely by the press: 'His vanity is so gigantic, his arrogance so entrenched, he's angry at those who had the temerity to write about him, not ashamed that he provided them with the evidence and the opportunity.'

This is nonsense, of course. Poor Major Ferguson did not supply anyone with the evidence. That was supplied by the blab- bermouth prostitute from Middlesbrough. The vanity and arrogance belong to Lee- Potter who sees it as the press's function to excoriate its victim for mischief which the press alone has caused. This seems to me a far more disgusting role than that of Maxwell and Murdoch, whose only con- cern has been to make mischief.

Perhaps there are two morals to be drawn from the story. The first concerns the employability of ordinary Middles- brough folk. I always thought that even after Shirley Williams these northern lasses could find employment as massage girls and prostitutes. They obviously can't be employed even in those humble roles. The second concerns the matter of press con- trol. Last week Paul Johnson opined that the story of Major Massage would streng- then the case for regulating the press (something which, of course, he regards with horror). I would argue exactly the opposite. So long as the vulgar press continues to concern itself with such numb- ing triviality, there will never be any need to regulate it.