THE MACALLAN

COMPETITION

La difference

Jaspistos

IN COMPETITION NO. 2060 you were invited to supply unhackneyed examples of differences, whether due to nature or nur- ture, between men and women.

I can't resist offering three examples of my own, culled from a lifetime of hawklike observation: Men remove the cork from the corkscrew after use; women leave it. Women find it easy to listen to two conver- sations at once, men difficult. Wives enjoy doing crosswords jointly with their spouses, husbands don't. These passed the test of the arbitress whose help I called on this week, as did the prizewinning entries. There was one generalisation which, though several of you offered it and though it is in my experience indisputably true, we disallowed as hackneyed, viz. It is women, not men, who hold up the departure of buses from stops by searching interminably for either their pass or the right change. The prizewinners, printed below (fewer female than I had expected), earn £5 per item, and the bonus bottle of The Macallan When machines fail them, women feel annoyed and frustrated; men feel annoyed, frustrated and inadequate.

There are several neutral alternatives for Inn" (bloke, fellow, geezer, guy); none for 'woman'.

(W.J. Webster)

A man's car makes a statement; a womaas makes school runs and shopping trips. The Malt Scotch whisky goes to W.J* Webster. I should dearly like to see the results of this same competition set in France.

A man may cry when he watches a film; only a woman will go to a film hoping to cry.

Older men seek younger women; a woman would rather her old man grew up.

A man may endeavour to end an affair; a woman just knows when it's over. (Mike Morrison) A man will pay £10 for a £5 item he wants; a woman will pay £5 for a £10 item she doesn't need.

Women will ask questions that have no right answer; men will give an answer to the wrong question.

A women never forgets the man she could have had; a man the woman he couldn't.

(John O'Byrne) In a hotel room the woman will check the tow- els; the man will check the bed.

A woman will ask for directions; a man will

always say he knows where he is. (R. Pickles)

Men wage wars; women start whispering cam- paigns.

A woman, hearing a pop song she likes on the radio, will sing along; a man, hearing a pop song he likes, will tell you who played bass guitar on the album version. (Adrian Fry) Women fear men's violence; men fear women's laughter. Women are inclined towards ambitious men, men towards women who keep their ambitions to themselves. (Joe Hyam) Women, if they wear trousers, do not keep small change in the pockets. (Andrew Gibbons) Women generalise about men; men generalise about everything. (Basil Ransome-Davies) To save money a woman will buy three for the price of two; a man saves money for a rainy day, then buys an umbrella. (Chas F. Garvey) When lovely woman stoops to folly, No charm can soothe her melancholy, But man's self-satisfied and jolly.

(Mary Holtby) Women discuss their innards; men discuss their cars' innards.

Men forget anniversaries; women forget their age. (Alarm. Blake) Drop a matchbox; he will crouch to retrieve it, she will glide down on one knee.

A woman who blows out a man's match does not necessarily have sexual designs upon him; men think otherwise. (Martin Woodhead) Men curse red traffic lights; to women they are a welcome opportunity to perfect their eye make- up. (D.A. Prince) Men are economical with the truth; women