YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. The method proposed by C.C. of Aberdeen (17 October) to ascertain some- one's age without causing offence is too complicated to remember and cannot be calculated mentally by most people. His method can be simplified as follows: Think of a number from zero upwards, say 10. Multiply by 100. This gives 1,000. Add 2,000 to give 3,000. Subtract the year of your birth, say, 1950. This gives 1,050. The first two digits are the number one first thought of — 10, and the last two — 50, are the victim's age plus 2. The exact age, 48, not appearing in the final figure 1050, is not likely to give the game away. J.T, Lausanne, Switzerland 'thank you for your constructive help. Victims should, of course, be tricked into thinking they are doing some sort of arith- metical brain-teaser when the puzzle is pro- Posed.
2. My darling daughter (19) is studying in the USA for a year and returning for two short weeks over Christmas when she wants bosee her family, her friends and her riend (not necessarily in that order!). her boyfriend (21) is a charming young man who has been on the scene for about a year and they are very much in love. We intend to Spend Christmas in our modest house in the
Dear Mary.. .
English countryside which has only a limited number of bedrooms and we would like to invite the boyfriend to stay. Since they haven't known each other that long and are certainly not engaged, I feel they should not share a bedroom. Another darling daughter (17) thinks I am painfully old-fashioned and out of touch with reality, a view which my wife tends to share. Mary, please could you give me some guidance in good time for Christmas? Am I being impractical and bor- ing or just old-fashioned and proper? Name and address withheld P.S. Please be discreet in your reply or my women will destroy me.
A. You are right, but not for the reasons you think. It is fine for you to cast a blind eye on whether or not your daughter is enjoying full intimacy with her boyfriend but, at this stage of the relationship, it would be quite unseemly for you to provide a fomicatorium for them. In addition it would be a huge turn-off for a teenager to have her parents impose compulsory sex on her in this man- ner. It is almost child abuse. The solution is that you should immediately research some outdoor sleeping opportunities for the youth to occupy during his visit. You might borrow a gypsy caravan or Pullman carriage from a bohemian neighbour or even hire a boring ordinary caravan through Yellow Pages. If desperate, you could erect one of those £200 wooden garden sheds specifically for the purpose of accommodating him. All can be safely heated and lit by equipment from camping shops. It would be dramatically more exciting and romantic for your daugh- ter to have extramural trysts of this nature than to have two seedy old has-beens egging her on in the bosom of the family.
Q. What can you recommend as a cheap Christmas present for children, of whom I have to see ten over the Christmas period?
C.H., Worcs A. Every child and adult would marvel at the beauty of the tins of sweets made by Churchill's Confectionery of Boreham- wood, Herts (fax: 0181 207 4455) this year. They cost roughly only £4.50 per tin and would be treasured for a lifetime. Enquire at your local grocery supplier.
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