TELECOM HORROR COMPETITION

Telephone and be hanged

Charles Moore reports on the sufferings revealed by the competition entrants.

THE best British Telecom horror story must encapsulate the character of the organisation which it concerns. So a really big horror story — the collapse of all telephones in London, say — is not neces- sarily the best. The winner must contain a variety of elements. There must be rude- ness on the part of BT, but also the pathetic BT employee who tries fruitlessly to please. There must be not only failures in equipment or supply, but in the attempts by the company to correct its failures. There must at no point be evidence of successful co-ordination between one part of the company and another. The best horror story is the one that starts from something very small and turns into some- thing huge and exhausting.

There were some good minor runners. Mr Andrew Fenwick of London got a crossed line on the telephone to Hong Kong with an old friend of his on the fax to Amsterdam. Mrs Celia Bonham Christie of Bath found:

1. The day the two new telephone directories were issued — one residential, the other for businesses — I discovered I was not named a resident, nor was I in the business section.

2. Directory enquiries said I was ex-directory and refused to disclose my number.

3. Two farming sons have farmhouse addres- ses: one is in the residential section, the other comes under businesses.

4. A friend in a lodge and a farmer in a cottage are in neither section, but a manor is in the business section.

Mr Peter Brown of London was charged for telephone calls made between March and June. He wrote to BT explaining that 'the flat to which this account relates was destroyed by fire in January. All the telephone handsets were burnt'. He has had no answer about why he was charged all the same.

Bier Group Ltd received a bill of £190 for private circuits which they did not possess. Their Mrs D. B. Curzon tele- phoned for a day to point this out. She got no reply, number unobtainable and, when connected by the Freefone operator, an engaged tone. She telexed their telex numbers which both came up 'Address invalid'.

Mr David Alexander is a director of Jack L. Israel Ltd of Victoria. The new direc- tory gives his company's number as being that of the Home Office Prison Service. They get 50-100 calls to the prison service every day. BT says they can do nothing about this until the Victoria exchange becomes digital (the date for which has now been postponed). The present ex- change does not work very well: Jack L. Israel also receive 200 calls a day for the Westminster Hospital and have done so for six months. Often the company's 17 lines

are reduced to six by exchange failure. Often calls which are for the company give a ringing tone for the customer, but none in the office.

I particularly liked the tale of Mr E. C. W. Halton of Shepherd's Bush. It is not dramatic, just beautifully typical:

Given that British Telecom are in the bitsi- ness of telephones, it seemed strange that I should find it difficult to get through by 'phone to their sales office. However, I eventually managed to speak to a salesman who assured me that my request for the new type of extension sockets could be met. Moreover, I would only have to wait six weeks. 'Wednesday 8 June', said the sales- man. I didn't need to consult my diary to be certain of being able to take a day off work so far in advance. It was a pity I failed to take this elementary precaution, since it turned out that there was no Wednesday 8 June or at least, not in 1987. Back to the sales office. After some thought, the salesman decided that he meant Wednesday 10 June.

This date was a firm one in my diary until the arrival of BT's order form, which denied the arrangement instead of confirming it. It gave me an appointment date of 8 June. I immediately wrote to BT pointing this out.

Three weeks later on Friday 5 June my letter was still unanswered. I rang BT to find out when I was to be visited. I had consider- able difficulty in contacting the sales office. When I got through I was told my question could not be answered because the computer wasn't working. I was asked to ring back.

Monday came, and I delayed going to the office in order to ring BT again and also to be around in case 8 June was the correct date. Previously, I had merely found it difficult to contact the BT sales office. Now it proved impossible. I spent two hours waiting In queues, listening to engaged tones, speaking to people who could not help or simply being unaccountably cut off. In the end I gave up.

Once at the office I received a call from a BT engineer who had visited my house in vain. My guess as to which date BT had meant had been wrong. As it turned out, I would pay richly for this mistake in terms of future wasted time.

There was nothing for it but to try to book another appointment. Once again I laid siege to the sales office. After the now predictable delays I managed to speak to someone who dealt with the job I needed done. However, the BT capacity for thwarting quickly re- asserted itself. The lady in question didn't have the appointments book and so could not help me. At this point my frustration at having wasted several hours because of BT's incompetence drove me to write a complain' ing letter to the General Manager of the London West District. This letter has never been answered.

After several abortive attempts I managed to book a second appointment for my sockets to be fitted. The date given, 18 June, seemed surprisingly soon. My suspicions of its ge- nuineness were confirmed when no engineer arrived on the day. Again, with great difficulty, I rang BT. There was no 18 June appointment on the computer. I would have to book again. The sixteenth of July was the earliest that could be offered. 'You'll get an order form in a couple of days to confirm,' said the man at the other end of the 'phone. After ten days, no order form had arrived. I 'phoned BT again and was inexplicably cut off twice. Althoughthis was mild treatment compared to my earlier experiences, I suddenly lacked patience to wait any longer. I 'phoned Oftel, who answered at once, and who gave me the number of someone at BT specialising in complaints (a man whose career prospects must be assured). I was able to confirm that my third appointment was not on the BT computer. I also managed to book a fourth appointment, for 13 August, four months or so after my first enquiry.

After this most recent attempt to persuade BT to provide a service I wrote to Sir George Jefferson setting out my experiences and asking questions such as 'What financial compensation will BT offer me for the time, effort and cost I have expended because of the Company's incompetence?' The receipt of this letter was, unprecedentedly in my dealings with BT, actually acknowledged with a holding letter. I have yet to receive a reply answering my questions, but then only a month has passed since I wrote.

Mr Halton is the runner-up. We shall announce the winner next week.