YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. As I am a comparatively well-off bache- lor, I have been made godfather to a num- ber of friends' children. I am perfectly happy to be generous and usually quite good at remembering their birthdays, but I do find it rather annoying when they don't write to thank or even acknowledge that they have had the cheque or present — or whatever I give them. How do other people ensure that their godchildren perform this simple act of politeness?
H.V., W8 A. One popular godfather who found him- self in a similar position eventually tackled the problem by sending only a card on the birthdays of offending godchildren. The message inside would read: 'Happy Birth- day. I enclose [for example] £10', yet he would not enclose any money at all. He found that the godchildren wrote back with alacrity to point out his oversight and, unable to merely make the bald request that he forward the promised cash, were forced to write a few lines of personal news. He continued to use it with satisfying results for many years. The understanding grew up, though neither godfather nor god-
Dear Mary.. .
children ever referred to it, that they must write their thank-you letters in advance.
Q. May I follow up on last week's 'Dear Mary' hygiene special with a problem of my own? Over the festive season, I noticed that women were being kissed, willy-nilly, by a number of elderly men, i.e. relations, old family friends, whom they would normally keep at arm's length, as it were. The prob- lem is not sexual harassment but halitosis: these men are increasingly proud of the fact that they have kept many of their own teeth, whereas in former times the offend- ing molars would have been replaced by dentures. How can one avoid this situation, bearing in mind that it usually occurs the
moment one has opened the front door?
F.M.B., Isleworth, Middlesex A. The best way to avoid unwelcome oral assaults is to be prepared. As soon as you see a likely offender moving towards you, throw yourself clumsily against him. This will enable you 'accidentally' to kiss a part of his body — such as the side of his neck — which is out of fumes' reach and should preclude the need for any further intimacy.
Q. I do have a problem. I just cannot stand your column. Do you have any suggestions? R.E.L., Frinton-on-Sea, Essex A. Perhaps you could adapt a method used by the fashionable art dealer, Mr Gerry Farrell, who, distressed by certain pages of the Daily Mail, has asked his newsagent to deliver only the Dempster page with its convenient television guide on the verso. It would be an even easier matter for your newsagent to snip out the offending 'Dear Mary' section from the back page before delivering The Spectator to your door, and I am sure that in the current recession he would be only too happy to co-operate.
Previous page
