SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 168
Report by D. R. Peddy A prize of £5 was offered for an extract from a diary maintained during the last three years by one of the following: Queen Victoria, Mr. Pooter or E. M. Delafield's "Provincial Lady."
Queen Victoria. The fewest, but the best, entries. Even in the somewhat fourth-dimensional world of literary competition one must not, however, stretch improbability too far, and obviously the one subject on which Her Majesty would not have touched is the forthcoming Coronation ! Except for the prize-winner, I think D. L. L. Clarke's passage was the best, and 1 must quote Douglas Hawson's : "I suggested to the Minister that de-rationing (of sweets) be confined to the children but my opinions no longer carry weight when balanced against the popular desire. My politicians are all slaves of the Vote!"
Mr. Pooter. Several good ones here, notably Edward Blishon's ("I took advantage of Lupin's being at home this evening to speak to him about joining the Civil Service. 'What, old boy,' he said. 'My racket's nylons!' I was taken aback by this, but I managed to answer, 'Your racket, as you call it, will land you in court.' I thought this rather funny."). Ceanothus, R. B. Browning, Granville Garley and P. D. Nairne also did well.
The Provincial Lady. I was disappointed with these entries, though they were the most numerous. No doubt the Provincial Lady is the easiest of the three to transplant to the present, being of the 1930-40 era herself, but there was too close an adherence to the original, and the Delafield sparkle was lacking. £3 to R. Kennard Davis, and £1 each to R. A. K. Wright and Frances Collingwood.
PRIZES (R. KENNARD DAVIS) Queen Victoria Wednesday. Received the Prime Minister. He explained that when Road Transport is denationalised it will be necessary to remove the initials "V.R." from the lorries. This is most unfortunate, as I had Insisted on their being inscribed when I (reluctantly!) allowed the late government to nationalise! However, they will still remain on the Engines. Marshal Tito came to lunch. He is a most handsome man, and far more gentlemanly than I had expected! We were in complete agreement about the Russians. 0, if only I still had my Indian army, we would soon put them in their place! I spoke about his treatment of the church; we supported Servia against the Turks because they were Christians, so he owes us gratitude! He explained he had no quarrel with Christians as such, but only with Papal aggression, which of course is different. I must ask the Archbp, about Protestant missions to his country. I should like to invite Tito to Balmoral, to show him our Highlands. He was most gallant and charming.
I agreed to be televised at opening of Parliament. How gratifying for my people to be enabled to see me! . . .
(R., A. K. WRIGHT)
Mr. Pooter
April 23rd. A great occasion; viz., a surprise visit by a stranger who announced: "I'm Wilfred Pickles." And so he was; I remembered seeing his photograph in Cummings' Televiewer's Chronicle. You can imagine how honoured 1 felt. Mr. Pickles asked Carrie what had been her most embarrassing experience. I must confess I had several embarrassing moments wondering what Carrie would answer. However her good taste need not have been doubted; she described her journey alone, at night, in a "Ladies Only" compartment with a short-sighted gentleman. Mr. Pickles did laugh. Wrote to Gowing, Cummings and Mr. and Mrs. James (of Sutton) casually mentioning the time of the broadcast.
April 24th. Received a note from Gowing saying that Padge had been interviewed by Mr. Pickles. I should not have thought Padge is the sort of man to interest Mr. Pickles but 1 suppose it takes all sorts to make a world. I said: "If Mr. Pickles is not careful whom he interviews he will find himself in a pickle." Carrie roared but Lupin rather superciliously remarked that most people got over paronomasia in adolescence. I declined to argue with him. What is the younger generation coming to? By-the-by I must purchase a better dictionary.
(FRANCES COLLINGWOOD) A Provincial Lady
In sudden mood of generosity decide to take children to South Bank Exhibition. At least, 1 think it is generosity, but must admit somewhat goaded to it by Lady B. who looks upon anyone who has a good word to say for it as hand in glove with "thoie dreadful Socialists." Find myself automatically selecting a red scarf for the occasion. Rehearse a meeting with Lady B. in which I tell her I joined the Communist Party last night.
At the last moment Robin says he votes for the Fun Fair and, as there can't possibly, be time for both, give in gracefully and put on more com- fortable shoes. Icy north-easter blowing and looks as if it might rain at any moment, It does, the moment we push through the turnstile. Watch lake being whipped up by lashings of grey rain. Decide that food is the only course. Everyone else, rather naturally, has same idea.
After being stuck for nearly half-an-hour behind a love-sick couple who are only torn away from fervent embraces by the sight of a girl selling ices, we are escorted to a table where the menu informs us that luncheon is 12s. 6d.
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