T ony Blair would have been better advised to attend the
service for the tenth anniversary of John Smith's death in Iona. Not only could he have tagged along with John Prescott and Gordon Brown to the Loch Fyne Oyster Bar, thus steering the conversation into safe channels; he would also have shown a fitting respect for Mr Smith, the man whose sudden departure gave him his big chance. There is a great deal of plotting. In the Sunday Times, Michael Portillo says that an important figure in the Labour party' asked him last week, 'Should I stick the knife in?' My mind goes back to 12 May 1994 (which was Ascension Day). I was sitting in the office of Michael Portillo, who was then chief secretary to the Treasury. We were discussing whether John Major could survive as Tory leader and, if not, whether one M.D.X. Portillo could succeed him. Our view was that he could. We thought Michael Howard was a possible rival candidate from the Right, but that he was probably too cautious and too unpopular. Kenneth Clarke and Michael Heseltine were strong candidates from the other side, but, with the party 80 per cent Eurosceptic after the Maastricht debacle, we reckoned that Portillo had the best chance. At this point, the door opened and an official said, 'Just thought you'd like to know, chief secretary, that John Smith has been taken to hospital.' He died later that day. I went over to the House of Commons to watch the tributes, and met my old friend Frank Johnson, who always gives an unsentimental political analysis of any new event. 'This is good for Major,' he said, and so it proved. In those strange circumstances, no one could mount a challenge to the Tory leader for the time being.
When Mr Major mounted his curious challenge to himself the following June, Mr Portillo's supporters famously installed lots of telephones in advance of his campaign, but their dog wouldn't fight. John Redwood fought instead and Mr Major survived. I have often wondered whether the arrival of Tony Blair didn't put Michael Portillo off his stride. The two men were both 41 in the course of May 1994 and Mr Portillo has himself said, 'I've always seen him in my rear-view mirror.' Blair brought to his party many of the glamorous, rejuvenating, slightly histrionic qualities that Portillo would have brought to his. It was a disappointed and disorientated Michael Portillo who made
the famous 'SAS' speech at the party conference in October 1995 of which he is now ashamed. His political persona went into an identity crisis from which it never — even in the new, caring, earth-tone guise of more recent years — fully emerged.
My last memory of John Smith in the flesh was at a state banquet in Buckingham Palace. Drinking afterwards, he seemed very happy in his white tie and tails. 'I hope you're not going to get rid of all this,' I said, meaning the procession with courtiers walking backwards, the uniforms, the monarchy itself. 'Don't you worry.' he replied, 'we are the most conservative of the lot.' Alas, this is not true of his successor. Smith would not have made his former flatmate the Secretary of State for Constitutional Affairs.
The late Auberon Waugh introduced the verb 'to pilgerise' into the English language. New Spectator readers may not know what it means. John Pilger himself reminded us last week with his remarks about the Mirror's fake pictures: 'They may not be true,' he said, 'but what they represent is true.'
One thing about al-Qa'eda that Tony Blair likes to emphasise is that the terrorists have no demands. They are so unreasoning in their hatred that there is no potential basis for negotiation. The implication of the Prime Minister's point — think of Northern Ireland — is that if only they thought of some demands, we could think about granting them. Now, as we saw in Spain. there is a stated demand — the withdrawal of Coalition troops from Iraq. How long before we begin to hear talk about supporting 'moderate' voices within al-Qa'eda? How long before we discover that secret negotiations have taken place?
The idea of 'key workers' is gaining ground. John Prescott has been promoting it, and I am sorry to see that the Tory spokesman, Caroline Spelman, babbled about her party's commitment to them. In the mind of Mr Prescott, a key worker is in the public sector, such as a nurse or a fireman. Key workers may be given special housing subsidies in the southeast, and other benefits. If you think of your own community, though, you will know that the truly key workers are the good ones — what their job is is a secondary consideration. In our village, we happen to have a very good postman, said to be a rarity nowadays. We also have a superb butcher and selfsacrificing voluntary workers in the Community Stores, all of them key workers in my view. None of these, needless to say, would get anything from Mr Prescott. But presumably any old slob on the public payroll (not that I am suggesting we have any of these) would. The whole idea of a key worker is a socialist one, conferring moral grandeur on the priorities of the state. If given financial shape, it would start to create a privileged class.
adgers Halt Housing Scheme,' says our local newspaper hoarding. Badgers are beautiful creatures but, perhaps for that reason, they are absurdly overprotected. There are enormous quantities of them, as their lavatories, their diggings for bulbs, their earthworks and their corpses by the roadside testify. They spread TB in cattle. Nor do they harmlessly munch a few beetles: they are fiercely omnivorous, with terrifying jaws that nothing can dislocate. A friend of mine, walking through his farmyard late one evening, heard the most piercing screams from a barn. He crept up to it and then suddenly switched on the light. There was a badger completely absorbed in eating the intestines of a hedgehog. The poor hedgehog was still alive, hence the screams. It is probably the excess of badgers that has assisted the decline of the bumblebee, for they love to destroy its nests. Their presence should not be allowed to impede a housing scheme, for badgers are very adaptable and will quickly find a new sett if moved on by the builders. Farmers should be allowed to control Mr Brock as well as Mr Tod.
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