Q. While chatting on the telephone to a friend I
mentioned a man I met recently and would like to know better. I was describing how fascinating, highly intelligent, talented and extraordinarily well-connected and powerful this man was when my friend interrupted to say that she thought he was a friend of her husband. ‘Really!’ was my response. ‘How does he know him?’ To this my friend replied, ‘What a rude thing to say. Why wouldn’t he know him?’ She seemed genuinely offended. Mary, can you judge — was this rude? And how could I have avoided causing offence while still satisfying my curiosity?
Name and address withheld A. Your spontaneous response was not intended to be rude. Clearly you just meant, ‘How can I use your husband as a Trojan Horse to get to know this man better myself?’ The correct protocol, for future scenarios, is to say ‘Really! How did he get to know him?’
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