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Dear Mary
Q. At a packed piano recital the other night, we were the only ones who didn’t have white hair, so had every reason to expect good manners to prevail. Nevertheless, during Träumerei, a lady started peeling apart a cellophane wrapper. It was a long, loving and loud process, and to judge by the surreptitious movement with which she finally raised the sweetmeat to her mouth, she knew she was doing wrong. The concert hall acoustics heartbreakingly magnified the sound and ruined my enjoyment of this piece. It may also have enraged the famous pianist, who did not favour us with an encore. What should we have done?
S.T., Wiltshire A. It is never quite clear whether those who crackle sweet papers, drink like babies at a teat from water bottles, or cough in auditoria are oblivious to the disturbance they are creating. Or whether, as Harold Pinter suspects, an element of passive aggression is involved. Since Bateman cartoon-style glaring from adjacent members of the audience often fails to halt the racket, it is well worth bringing a pocket torch to such events. Should a nuisance occur, simply shine it in the face of the offending noisemaker, who will stop at once, believing that the authorities have been summoned.
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