Office life
Personnel motives
Holly Budd
It is a truth universally acknowledged that an executive appointed to a newly cre- ated post must be in need of a deputy. The difficulty is in avoiding being labelled an empire-builder. My contrivances were cautious but so successful that I was eventually offered one without having to ask. I could choose from three internal candidates, all male, aged about 30 and with two or three jobs to go before they could swim in the big pool. On the morning of the interviews Debbie was unusually alert and smart. I would conduct the formal sessions, during which she would bring in coffee, and then she would talk to them as if informally on the way out.
The first was so handsome I thought Per- sonnel must have other motives. My care- fully-honed questions melted in my mouth. Debbie was constantly in and out with more coffee. `Why do you want this job?'
He smiled beautifully. 'I just thought it might be interesting.' It's mean and unreasonable to suspect very good-looking people of stupidity, except that so often they've never had to try. Everything comes their way. This one may not have been stupid but he was unforgivably, albeit divinely, complacent. Debbie looked wistful afterwards. 'All that and nothing between the ears. Really hard work. If only we could just sit and stare at him all day.' The next was less ravishing but still suffi- ciently good-looking for Debbie to walk into the doorpost after showing him in. `I'm convinced that this area would stretch me and enhance my portfolio at the same time as being rewarding in itself. It fits my career profile and it's a field in which I feel I can make a serious contribu- tion. I would enjoy the stimulation of work- ing with you.' Where do they get all this? 'Doesn't notice anything and didn't say thank you for the coffee,' said Debbie. The third was about six feet six, had a mournful moustache and moved like a stick insect. When he folded himself into the chair he seemed to have more limbs than anyone else.
`Why do you want this job?' `I'm afraid I can't say. No one's told me what it is.' It appeared that Personnel had also neglected to tell the others. Debbie, suppressing a giggle, spilt coffee in his saucer. 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'My legs make it difficult for people to get near me.' That was it, really. I could now satisfy myself that I was unswayed by merely phys- ical considerations. But I couldn't help Wondering if such lugubriousness was intentional.
`Do you think you're funny?' He took time to consider. 'Not me specifically.' lie's lovely,' said Debbie. 'Thanked me so nicely for the coffee.' I told Personnel we had located the ideal career and personal profile.
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