YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
What with holidays and other distractions, I have only just read the 2 July issue of The Spectator in which you publish a query from J.G.F. of Totnes (a childless person who had to feign interest in interminable dis- plays of photographs of friends' children). I too have had this problem with grandchil- dren's photographs. I counter it by carrying two or three photographs of my Abyssinian Cat, Mafalda, with her litter of four kittens. If J.G.F. happens to have a farming second cousin, she could perhaps obtain a nice pic- ture of a litter of Gloucester Old Spot Piglets. In extreme cases one can give the names of all the animals involved.
T.K, London W11 A. Thank you for your heartwarming tip.
Q• I am madly keen on a rather shy man. He has taken me out to dinner three times but has still not made any sort of pass. Can You suggest a strategy to speed things up, as I am nearly distraught?
S. St C., London W8 A. Now that autumn is here, your solution is readily arrived at. Next time your friend invites you out, arrive for the date wearing your most skimpy summer dress, leaving winter woollies and overcoat at home. The moment you leave the restaurant together, protest that it is unbelievably cold — as it probably will be — and simply throw your arms around him, explaining that you are desperate for warmth. Cling firmly as you walk along the street. Nature will swiftly take its course.
Q. I wonder if I could bother you again on the agony of being unable to look over peo- ple's shoulders while one is talking to them at parties. My mantelpiece is bristling with invitations to book launches etc. and I dread being unable to succumb to one's most natu- ral urges without making people chippy.
M. W., Wills A. Develop the technique of being able to think quickly of someone who is at the party who might be of vague interest to your interlocutor and whom he or she has not already met. You can then say, 'I must introduce you to so-and-so.' This will give you an excuse repeatedly to scour the room on the pretext of looking for the person in question so as to introduce them, yet with- out giving any form of offence.
Q. What is the correct protocol regarding tipping when one is staying in a house in, to all intents and purposes, the capacity of court jester? My boyfriend spends most weekends staying with very rich people who are only too glad to have the services of an almost professional entertainer to enliven the proceedings. Although he does not sub- mit fees, as a court jester he feels himself exempt from tipping butlers, dailies etc. I say he should tip. Please can you settle this dispute.
Name and address withheld A. You are correct. Jesters must tip along with the other house guests. Dailies and butlers are not benefiting from your boyfriend's services, yet they still have to deal with detritus generated by him. As most hostesses are more anxious to suck up to their staff than to their guests, your boyfriend may not be asked again if he dis- appoints 'downstairs'.
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