YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. Like many of my neighbours, I walk my dogs each day along a virtually traffic-free country lane. The lane is a minefield of dogs' messes, and I wonder if there is any way of tactfully encouraging owners to 'scoop', as they are obliged to do in London parks? I would not wish to resort to intrusive or officious notices, but the whole experience of walking in this so-called beauty spot has become rather repulsive.
Name and address withheld
A. Perhaps you could make a wordless protest, taking your cue from the mystery dog's mess vigilante who patrols the path alongside the Kennet and Avon canal near the Wiltshire village of Wilcot. A dogowner reports, 'On a Monday the messes are sprayed with white paint. On a Tuesday the new messes from that day are sprayed with orange, on a Wednesday with yellow, on a Thursday with green, and so on.' The cumulative effect of these fluorescent statements has apparently been to disgust dogowners into submission. The mess numbers have been greatly reduced. A well-wisher recommends the use of Defiance Speedline paint-marking system, which advertises itself as being 'ideal for applications where highly visible marking is desired'.
Q. I have a friend who has retired to the country where she does not collect her mail from the post office, does not check her email — 'only John knows how to download it, and he's often busy' — inexplicably leaves the fax turned off — 'we're afraid of storms' — and switches phone and mobile to the message service. Even the mobile itself is 'being serviced'. Moreover, on a recent meeting, we found that she had lost one hearing-aid — we painstakingly went through the garbage — and let the battery run down on the other. She was her usual opinionated and chatty self during the two-day visit, despite not being able to hear, but is there something wrong with her? She was a psychologist before she retired, so surely it would be presumptuous of me to tell her she is behaving oddly?
A.F., by email A. Clearly, what lies at the root of this nuisance is that your friend is hoping for con tact from a certain someone, and uses this method to avoid confronting the painful likelihood that they have not made it. Bring her to her senses by suggesting that next time you meet, the arrangements be made through the personal columns of the Daily Telegraph.
Q. What should one do when friends who are much richer than oneself invite one to dinner in a restaurant after a mutual friend's art gallery opening? When I explained to our friends that my husband and I could not afford to join them, they replied. 'You'll be our guests.' That is all very well, but there will never be a time when we could return the favour. What should we do?
Name and address withheld A. If you wish to repay pleasure with pleasure, you do not need the arena of a restaurant in which to do so. Rich people suffer from restaurant-fatigue and crave the individuality of home cooking. They even enjoy the Marie Antoinette aspect of drinking inferior wine for a change. Return the favour by serving up some humble pie in your tiny dwelling. Your rich friends will enjoy the experience of consuming it far more than you could possibly imagine.
Mary Killen
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