COMPETITION

Bounder's song

Jaspistos

IN COMPETITION NO. 1826 you were invited to supply words for the song often on the lips of Beachcomber's notorious bounder, Captain de Courcy Foulenough.

The captain's intrusion into Drainwater House, the residence of Colonel and Mrs McGawke, gave rise to this little con- tretemps: "For the honour of your old regiment give me a meal," said the captain.

`Then, picking up a bust of Joseph Cham- berlain, he said, "What'll you give me on this? What am I bid?"

`The colonel, edging the captain towards the door, said, "Here's five shillings." ' "The bust's yours," replied Foulenough, handing it to Mrs McGawke with a bow.

`They watched him go down the drive, and as he went he sang in a deep, thunderous voice "Flossie's the Girl for Me".'

The prizewinners, printed below, get £25 each, and the bonus bottle of Drummond's Pure Malt Scotch whisky goes to William Luscombe.

I've roamed and I've rambled, I've galloped, I've gambled, I always leave under a cloud, I've unbuttoned blouses in all the best houses, I'm a fraud, I'm afraid, but I'm proud To sing 'Flossie's the girl for me.'

I've no fixed abode, I'm a gent of the road, I bludge and I cadge where I can,

I've a dubious past, I am broken and lost, But I'm proud to say I'm a man Who'll sing 'Flossie's the girl for me.'

I'm drunken, I'm lazy, the girls all go crazy Whenever they see me go past, I'm a card, I'm a ham, but you know who I am, And if you'd just fill up my glass We'll sing 'Flossie's the girl for me, my dear, Flossie's the girl for me.'

(William Luscombe) Flossie's the girl for me; Her head's in a whirl for me.

I met her at a party I'd managed to crash; She pointed out the suckers I could screw for some cash And she smuggled bottles to me at the end of the bash.

She's as precious as my fake MC; Yes, Flossie's the girl for me. Flossie's the girl for me; She'd pass up an earl for me.

She does some part-time modelling and meets the elite; MPs are often heard to say she's terribly sweet, But she's quick to flog the story when a chap's indiscreet.

I'm her literary agent, see.

Oh, Flossie's foul enough for me. (Peter Veale) I think of the way she uncrosses her knees And the way that her petticoats lift in the breeze And I don't give a toss that she's playing the tease: Flossie's the girl for me.

She swallows her promises like they were eels And fleeces the heels who invite her for meals And catches her bait like a posse of seals: Flossie's the girl for me.

Myrtle turned turtle, and Clara had clap, Tanya returned both my tickle and slap, But she drew the streets on the map in my lap: Flossie's the girl for me.

She may take as long to complete as a maze, But I lost my heart in a couple of days,

For when I begged ballads she offered me lays:

Flossie's the girl for me. (Bill Greenwell) Flossie's the girl for me, Flossie's the girl for you!

With those catholic tastes and that broad- minded view, She dispenses her favours with total panache, As she languidly scatters her Kensitas ash.

Flossie's the girl for you, Flossie's the girl for me!

She's the lady we spoil to the umpteenth degree. The presents she gets — whether birthday or Christmas - Never fail to draw envy from Dr Strabismus.

Flossie's the girl for me, Flossie's the girl for all! She shines at the Charleston, the belle of the ball, The princess of flappers, unutterably fab In the well-padded seat of a Huntingdon cab!

(Peter Adorian)