YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. I have begun a relationship with an elderly actor who is highly strung and very bad-tempered when stressed. This can mean that, although he is always charming at times when he has chosen to ring me, the reverse can sometimes be the case when I ring him. I try to avoid instigating calls but occasionally I do need to contact him urgently to make or change arrangements, so what should I do on these occasions? The accretion of apologies for having snapped my head off is beginning to be embarrassing. (He does not have a secretary; and please do not suggest texting his mobile, since he is too old to appreciate this facility.) M.W., SW3 A. Simply ensure that you always access this actor's answering service rather than the bad-tempered brute himself. Do this by coordinating calls with an accomplice who rings him moments before you do. In this way she can block the line while pretending to have reached a wrong number. Meanwhile you can safely ring the engaged number knowing that his voicemail will click in and he can return your call when he has had time to compose himself.
Q. My au pair has put my extremely expensive and beautiful pashmina into the washing machine on the wrong cycle. The conse
quence is total bobbling. Is there anything that can be done, Mary?
Name and address withheld A. Why not take a tip from one distinguished pashmina-owner, Katie Sackville, who has already communicated with this office the news that pashmina bobbles can be removed by careful combing with the tiny-toothed side of a nit comb? 'You need the comb that comes with Lyclear,' she drawls.
Q. Last Saturday my visit to Habitat on the King's Road coincided with that of someone I knew but had never met. I have long admired the work of this contemporary philosophical author, and more recently it was my sad privilege to hear him speak most eloquently at the memorial service to his late father. Quite simply I found myself following him through the shop and, after his quizzical glance at me as I stared at him selecting soap dishes, I came to my senses and darted off. I
had wanted to say that I worked with his father and that as a result my life was changed. I also wanted to say that his speech at the memorial service was brave and beautiful. In Britain we honour privacy and manners, but is this not at a cost? P.S. The author is Alain de Botton. His father, Gilbert, was inspirational to many, including myself.
R.W., SW11 A. Testimonials of the type you mention can only bring happiness to their recipient, whether he be a celebrity or not. To avoid coming across as a stalker, however, the key is to deliver them immediately on sighting the celebrity, but to be shortrather than long-winded, and to have a calm look in the eyes throughout.
Q. With reference to the Ascot question, both snooty questioner and clever old you boobed. The correct pronunciation is Ascut.
G.B.G., Gaillac, France A. Don't be silly. We all know the 'correct' pronunciation is As-ct — the 'u' is silent. I didn't bring this up because, as I pointed out, snobbery is an unknown concept in the racing world. Incidentally, talking of accuracy, I must apologise for the annoying misspelling of John Francome's name. The editorial culprit says, 'That's the last time I check something on the Net.'
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