Television
Children and dogs
Wendy Cope
My footballing friend threatened nev- er to speak to me again if I didn't watch the Cup Final and write about Tottenham's inevitable triumph. 'You sound like a politician,' I told him. Unfortunately I fell asleep during the commercial break, only waking up just in time for — I can hardly bear to string these words together — the Spurs own goal. Football supporters don't seem to worry very much about hubris but maybe they should.
Earlier this week I hit on a new way of accidentally missing the Voices (Channel 4) discussion about psychoanalysis (pro- gramme video correctly, then switch it off) but I did manage to catch something else I had been looking forward to. This was an item on The Media Show (Channel 4) about 'The New Man'. The advertising business, according to presenter Muriel Gray, is currently obsessed with this con- cept. New Man, apparently, is young, clean, helpful around the home and 'sensi- tive enough to cry when the going gets tough'. At the same time he is 'allowed to swagger, allowed to look mean and moody, allowed to be macho' and he is epitomised by Nick Hayman, the male model who became an international celebrity by taking his jeans off in the launderette. Another characteristic of New Man, said journalist Suzanne Moore, is that he is 'very verbally inarticulate'. He is a bit like James Dean and readily identifies with Henry Cooper. By this time I was extremely confused and I don't think I was the only one. Still, we needn't try too hard to understand New Man and figure out whether or not he is even worse than Old Man. The programme's conclusion was that he doesn't exist outside the square mile of London's media land. 'If you spend all your time in Groucho's or the Escargot Brasserie,' commented a woman from the Taller earnestly, 'you can convince yourself that great social changes have taken place.' Politicians know better, and I don't expect to see much mean, moody swagger- ing in the party broadcasts. In last week's `personality profiles' on News at Ten (ITV) the leaders relied on old-fashioned props such as children and dogs. Mrs Thatcher borrowed one of each from her next-door neighbour and was seen greeting them warmly in a sunlit garden. The idyll was marred somewhat by confusion about the child's name. 'Hello Emma,' cried the Prime Minister. 'This,' said the commen- tary, 'is Emily Lawson, five-year-old daughter of the Chancellor.' Emma or Emily looked pale and fed up as she sipped her orange juice. Denis, too, appeared less than ecstatic when he did his bit but this has come to seem an essential part of a hilarious double act. Was he pleased, the interviewer asked, at the prospect of another term in Downing Street? 'Reason- ably,' he replied without enthusiasm. Mrs Thatcher fixed her beady eye on him. 'Oh come on! That's just his typical understate- ment. He'll be just as concerned as I shall be if . . .' Rather than mention the unmen- tionable, she left the sentence unfinished and turned to the subject of holidays. 'I thought we'd go to Cornwall this year because we love it.' Mm,' grunted her spouse. It won't have done her any harm. The wavering Conservative voters inter- viewed on Weekend World (ITV) were unanimous on one point — Mrs Thatcher's `bossy' style of leadership was not the problem.
David Steel and David Owen, profiled on Thursday, were each seen with a boat, at least one child, and a dog. The Owen family home, we were told, is a coastguard cottage with no electricity. Although the doctor would like to have electricity, he accepts the majority vote of his family, who prefer to be without it. It was a touching portrait of a simple, easy-going man and nobody asked if they use calor gas at Limehouse too. On Friday, Neil and Glenys related yet again the romantic story of their first meeting in a corridor at University College, Cardiff. The loony Left disapproves of this kind of thing and it is one issue on which I agree with them. Parading the family before the electorate is unfair on the family and even more unfair on candidates who haven't got one. It is particularly disappointing that the leader of the Labour Party can't see anything wrong with it. Perhaps I should retreat to the Groucho and dream of social change.
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