CITY AND SUBURBAN
The tidal wave is bringing down our sea walls, so you'd better read the crib
CHRISTOPHER FILDES
Now, class, pay attention. Today's sub- ject is Eurospeak, so don't think you can swan your way through without doing your homework — what's that, boy? Mr Clarke says he's never read the Maastricht treaty? Well, he should have done. He might have learned something. All right, we'll start with an easy one: what's the difference between an emu, an ecu and a euro? If you think that's funny, boy, you can tell the class what EMU stands for. European Monetary Union? The E is for Economic, You booby: it doesn't just mean new designs on the banknotes . . . What's corpus juris? Well, it's a gleam in a directorate's eye, but when we get it, you won't have to remem- ber what habeas corpus is. Or Magna Carta, either. Hands up, now, what's Factortame? No? It's the case that established that European law can overrule an Act of Par- liament: 'a tidal wave', Lord Denning called it, 'bringing down our sea walls and flowing inland over fields and houses'. What's a encumber directive? That's right, it lays down the permissible topology of cucum- bers. What's a democratic deficit? It's when a chancellor of the exchequer borrows money to buy votes? Stop bluffing, boy. You lot are all the same. Eurospeak puts You off, so you shut your eyes and hope the examiners will change their minds or go away. Now this week I want you to read Rodney Leach's new book, Europe— it's an encyclopedia, clear and concise, every- thing's there . . . £16.99 from Profile Press, boy, but you can put it on your bill. It's the crib I shall use from now on, so you'd better use it too. Go away and mug it up.
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