YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary..
Q. Mary, some guidance, please. Recently I saw a patient in my surgery. I greeted her with my usual courteous introduction to new arrivals: 'Hello, I'm Dr wel- come to the practice, what can I do for you?' To my horror, she said, 'My name's . What's your Christian name?' Taken aback briefly, I replied, 'Er, I forget, I think it's Doctor,' but rapidly realising this sounded churlish, added, 'Actually, it's after which the consultation pro- ceeded smoothly. Mary, what should I have done? I am a traditional, youngish 91) and do not believe in first-name rela- tionships with my patients (most of whom Would recoil at any attempt at such famil- iarity by me). A degree of mutual respect is Perfectly attainable on a 'Dr' and 'Mr/Mrs' (or whatever) basis. If I had seen this patient privately I could simply have pro- ceeded as above but consigned her to obliv- ion after the first consultation. However, I am an NHS GP, so have a duty of continu- ing care. How could I have responded with- out causing offence, yet still maintaining my professional integrity? C.P., Suffolk A. You could have replied 'Well, my first name is C , but as a matter of fact we don't use first names in this practice because we found it so hard to remember who likes to be formal and who likes to be informal that we just have a blanket policy of everyone going by his or her title. What is yours, by the way?'
Q. I bear an uncanny resemblance to a noted film producer and Labour peer which has led to my being mistaken for him on average once a week by well-wishers and admirers as well as by old friends and past associates of uncertain provenance. I am pursued down streets by autograph hunters. I am disturbed at table by young women breathily anxious to meet my famous looka- like. Aspiring actors regale me with their claims to future stardom. Charming ladies fiercely accuse me of not remembering them (for what?). Strangers at parties shyly offer me film scripts, and I dare not set foot in the National Film Theatre at festival time for fear of being squeezed half to death in the successive bear-hugs of (very) foreign film directors. Should I accept the tributes gracefully or must I puncture illusions with, so often, humiliating result? How do I cope with the old school chum who interprets `my' inability to recognise him as proof of his own lack of significance rather than of his uncertain eye for resemblance? And now it seems that I must act to protect my famous counterpart from the utter ignominy of his being mistaken for me — something which, a mutual acquaintance tells me, occurred at a recent Arts Council bash. The moment of crisis has clearly arrived.
KY, London A. Why not seize the opportunity to take matters a great deal further and arrange a complete life swap with the lookalike celebrity? He may be only too glad to relin- quish the burdens of office and you yourself would undoubtedly find the change of lifestyle stimulating. It also would be inter- esting to see whether the two wives involved would notice any abnormalities during the course of the swap.
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