Westminster Corridors
Not the least significant Occurrence of recent days has been the Election of Master Cledwyn Hughes to the pre-eminent position of Chairman to the Artisan Faction, over and against the Challenge mounted by a former Occupant of that Office, Master Ian Mikardo. For, Master Hughes being of moderate temper and Master Mikardo well-deserving the reputation of a Fanatick, it hath provided an all but irrefutable demonstration that the Artisans still cleave to Master Rees-Mogg's Central Path and shrink from extremes, if less than previously, by a comfortable margin nonetheless.
This intelligence having been established, contrary to much rumour and speculation, several Paladins among the Artisans commune with their hearts and reflect thus: "Am I not a Fitting Chief to direct this Herd, presently leaderless, which hath unexpectedly proved to be the Major Party among our Troops, and in consequence a proper vehicle for my Ambition. He, who leads the Majority today, may aspire to controul the Whole tomorrow. For, 'tis a speculation, frequently met with among those who would seem well-informed, that Master Wilson, observing the Oeconomick Storm from afar, will shortly depart to an Oxford Coll., leaving vacant the Office he hath almost adorned." Nor does any Heart deny these Hopes — such is the power of vanity and ambition, even among the Friends of Humanity. Master Jenkins stands before his class, scrutinises with satisfaction his smooth appearance, and dreams of Haldane, Grey and Asquith — the companions of his Youth. Hath he also not earned, by his consistent advocacy of Union with the Continental Powers and his benevolence towards Indecent Tracts, the loyalty and approbation of all true Moderates? Yet many, though well-wishers, doubt that Master Jenkins possesses a spine, and declare that on the Hustings he lauded the re-negotiating of the Romish Treaty, like any snivelling Methodist lamenting his Sins in a tin-roofed Conventicle. Wherefore they watch to see whether he will tamely accept Master Foot's proposal that Trade Combinations should be empowered to arrest Citizens, when performing their daily tasks, and subject them to unwanted instruction on their petty disputes.
Too shrewd to be honest, Master Healey calculates that his re-arrangement of Taxes, Imposts and Levies, having been greeted with the hostility of the Fanaticks, will by the same token have gained the approval of their Opponents. Yet these are not thus easily charmed. For they reflect that Master Healey hath frequently shown the skill of a Sophist in arguing contrary sides of a dispute, all but simultaneously, wherefore he is not to be relied upon; also that his Oeconomick Stratagems will shortly cause mote men to be idle, which perhaps betokens rare courage, yet that befitting a Martyr-rather than an Artisan Chief. Master Crosland won fame in recent times as the Principal Theologian of the Moderate Faction and the scourge of Fifth Monarchy Men, Levellers, and others of that persuasion. 'Tis sad to report, therefore, that he hath wilfully cast away much of his credit by the Sophistries he hath employed in the matter of the Clay Cross Burghers, viz: that the Rule of Law is always to be upheld, except when it is expedient to ignore it. And the Moderates ask themselves: "Is it likely that bravery will be infused into our Hearts by the leadership of a cowardly Jesuit?" Of the remaining Contenders, Master Callaghan, who could seize the pre-eminence at
will, is ready for no action that might offend the Fanaticks (who controul a vast majority of votes at the Artisans' Congress), till he hath secured
once more the bankrupt Treasury of the Party. And Master Prentice, who is too honest to deliver speeches acceptable to his colleagues, Master Wilson, and the Fanaticks, broods over the dominance of Fanaticks over the Trade Combinations, the decay of order and the approaching Holocaust, which will assuredly reveal the true characters of Statesmen.
Meanwhile,. Master Heath continues to astonish theTWO by his remarkable Feat of Levitation, viz: remaining suspended aloft above the heads of all, yet with no visible means of support.
Tom Puzzle
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