Sponsored Shakespeare

Readers were asked to imagine that the theatre was " sponsored " in the reign of Elizabeth I and to re-write a passage from Hamlet, Macbeth, The Merchant,of Venice or As You Like It, with appropriate interpolations by advertisers.

This proved to be one of those compe- titions that look easy, but are difficult to tackle really well. There were a number of light-hearted entries (many of them from schoolboys or schoolgirls), but unhappily a light heart does not make up for a heavy hand ! Too many competitors were con- tent with a single bright idea, and failed to give their entries that extra bit of polish which makes the difference between medio- crity and brilliance. It was surprising, too, to find many witty entries spoiled by their authors' inability to write blank verse with due regard to the essential rules of metre.

Interpolations by the advertiser, not mere parodies, were called for. This ruled out those competitors who made Portia declare (irrelevantly to the action) that " The quality of Mersa is not strained." A. M. Sayers disqualified himself by combining " 0 that this too too solid flesh would melt " with " To be or not to be "—a licence hardly justified by the desire to introduce " our Slym Reduction Belt."

I award prizes of £1 10s. each to • Peter Hadley and Francys Heritage, and LI each to Edward Blishen and Barbara Rickard (whose wash-cauldron episode is omitted through considerations of space). It is a curious coincidence that all the winning entries should come from Macbeth Commendation to those quoted above and to Terence Melican, Dr. Bernard Half- penny, Frances Collingwood and Rev. Canon E. W. Burnell.

PRIZES (PETER HADLEY)

MAC-BETH : • Methought I heard a voice cry,

"Sleep no more!" ' ANNOUNCER: (Poor chap, perhaps the missus has a snore.) Maoism: "Macbeth does murder slecp,"— the innocent sleep; ANNOUNCER: (Why lie awake enumerating sheep?) MAcrnrrn: Sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleave of care,

ANNOUNCER:. (Folks, are you sure you're getting all your share?) MACBETH: Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course, ANNOUNCER: (The guy can't sleep because he feels remorse.) MACBETH : Still it cried, " Sleep no more ! " to all the house :

ANNOUNCER: (But you can sleep as quiet as a mouse.) MACBETH: "Glamis bath murder'd sleep, and therefore. Cawdor Shall sleep no more—Macbeth shall sleep no morel" LADY Macarrn: Who was it that thus cried? Why, worthy thane,

ANNOUNCER: (Insomnia need not trouble you again.) ,

LADY MACBETH: You do unbend your noble strength.

ALL: Just think—

Make Somno-Lenta YOUR drink !

(FRANCYS HERITAGE) Macbeth (Sponsored by Witewite Products, Ltd., the only distributors of AB-solution.) LADY MACBETH: Out, damned spot! out, 1 sayl —One; two: why, then 'tis time to do't.

GHOST VOICE: Even so, this very instant; and instantaneously Witebait will remove even so obstinate a stain.

LADY MACBETH : Hell is murky ... . (Fade out Lady M. : fade in Ghost Voice.).

GHOST VOICE: 'Tis true, 'tis pity; but Wile Ensign will translate your smallest room into a fresh heaven on earth . . .

LADY MACBETH: The Thane of Fife had a wife; where is she now?—What, will these hands ne'er be clean? . . . GHOST VOICE: Ay, madam: Drearhwite or Lilywite at your pleasure.

LADY MACBETH : You mar all with this starting . . .

Ottos-r VoicE: Start today, and you need never start again; because there will be no more looking back once you have introduced Witewite into your household and intimate hygiene. Remember—the Witewite for- mula is verily a revelation, since every Witewite product is guaranteed to contain AB-solution..

LADY MACBETH: Here's the smell of the blood still: all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. Oh! oh! oh!

GHOST VOICE: Oh, comel come, come! The lady protests too much, methinks. Send

• her a sample of Milkwite hand cream, and assuredly the rest will be silence.

(EDWARD BLISHEN) MACBETH:

If it were done when 'tis done, then 't were well It were done quickly. Were it half as swift As Kwick-Kleen Polish, were the cost as small, I would not shrink. if the assassination Could trammel up the consequence, as well As Kwick-Kleen acts the daily dust and

catch,

With his surcease, success—success as great As Kwick-Kleen's jubilant users do ascribe To that low-costing stuff: that but this blow Might be the be-all and the end-all here, As drudgery by Kwick-Kleen 's circumvented, But here, upon this bank and shoal of time,— We 'd jump the life to come. But in these

cases We still have judgment here. (How all good judges Acclaim the sweet smell and the sheeny look Of inexpensive Kwick-Kleen!) That we but teach

Bloody instructions (of which Kwick-Kleen needs none: A child could use it) ...