The usual prizes were offered for an extract from the

conversation of Jupiter, Venus, Mars, Apollo and Mercury, invited to Wembley to watch the Rugby League Cup Final as guests of the Govermnent.

In what tones do gods talk ? I began to sort the entries for this competition with a strong prejudice in favour of the stilted and high- falutin'—those pieces which recognised that the Olympians are finer clay than us mere mortals, serious, dignified, unbending only rarely and then in a lofty classical manner. H. A. C. Evans' rolling hexa- meters especially pleased me :

Now I declare that the sport seemed fit for the gods to indulge in Skilful they were, those men, and courageous and greatly enduring.

And so on ; also some neat, interlocking iambics from Allan M. Laing and Joyce Johnson, and bits of excellent Wardour Street from other competitors. But I was soon bound to admit that, noble as these contributions were, there was more " unquenchable laughter" to be had from those—like D. L. Clements, N. Hodgson, R.-Kennard Davis and Guy Kendall—whose Olympians talked the raciest modern slang, quarrelled freely and had all evidently enjoyed them- selves enormously, as in the old days, interfering actively in the game.

All these were good, but it is Coral Taylor's entry, an extraordinary tour-de-force in first-teim Latin, which slips effectively right under my guard, and I hope others will enjoy it as much as I do. In order not to be thought incurably frivolous, I shall let it have a first prize of £3 only, and give the remaining £2 to A. Davis for what I thought the best of the more orthodox attempts.

PRIZES

• (CORAL TAYLOR)

MERCURY : "Bette pater, quid eius putabas " (Well, Dad, what did you think of it ?) JUPITER (shortly ; for, like all fathers, he is feeling rather harassed by now) : " Pulchra pat-va conata." (A pretty poor effort.) VENUS (who has not yet forgiven Mercury for stealing her girdle): "Volo to quiescere, Mercury." (I wish you would shut up, Mercury.) APOLLO : "Ego id repperi aridunt etiam. Cognovi finest antentanus." ( I found it dull too. 1 knew the result beforehand.) MARS : " Dic, Apollo, Senex, audivisne lacunarunt ? " (Say, Apollo, old man, have you heard of the Pools ?) MERCURY : "Boman caelum, possumus facere nitidum sarcinula in eis ! " (Good heavens, we could make a tidy little packet on those.) " Cunt auxilio Apollinis." (With Apollo's help,) VENUs (dreamily) : " Quoin reneficus erat dux ! " (How wizard the captain .was ! ) APOLLO : " 0 vos puellas, sewer similes." (0 you girls, always the same.) MARS (who is still rather in love with his half-sister) : " Relinqui earn urban ! " (Leave her alone !) APOLLO (who, for that reason hates Mars) : "Bene ! Id auto ! " (Well, 1 like that !) " Id imps ostentatio erat quisquam via." - (It was a poor show anyway.) Si ego deus bellorum eritn. . . ." (If I were the god of battles. . . .) MERCURY : " Si solum pater me permisisset mutmin: dare penman! cassis duel errantum. . . . ' (If 1 only dad had let me lend my winged helmet to the captain of the Rovers. . . .) APOLLO : " Aut si iecisset fiibnen ad ala dexter." (Or if he had chucked a thunderbolt at the right wing. . . .) MARS : " Ego malo bellum candidum." (I prefer a fair battle.) APOLLO " Non possis esse uequus si conatus es." (You could not be fair if you tried.) MARS : " Manes." (You wait.) APOLLO : " Memora quid event postemum tenipus altercationem liabuer- anuts." (Remember what happened last time we had a row. ) N.B.- , (Mars had been imprisoned by Apollo during the war between Jupiter and the Titans.) MERCURY : " Nunc aspicitis hic, vos duo. . . ." (Now look here, you two. . . .) VENUS : " Volo vos omnes desinere loqui." (1 wish you would all stop talking.) APOLLO : " Bene " (Well 1) JUPITER : " Mute unum temples et pro omnes." (Now, once and for all.) Vultis operire sursum." (Will you shut up.)

Since even his own children feared and obeyed Jupiter when he was annoyed, there was no more conversation for us to report.

VENUS never felt so humiliated in t n life. hum:a. eDA)

my

MERCURY (raising an eyebrow) : Never ?

VENUS : Well, hardly ever. 1 was simply ignored. Now, only two

thousand years ago at a chariot race . . .

APOLLO : For earth's sake be quiet, girl. Can you never talk of any-

thing else ?

JUPITER (looking up with a pained expression from behind The Olympian Times) : Come ! Come Less of this bickering, you young.people. I took you down to see the match. Now, Apollo, my boy, you ars

the athlete of the party ; what did you think of it ?

APOLLO : Well, I did not -think it was the sort of pastime that would make

young men more graceful. But obviously it was intended to be a species of military manoeuvre. Colonel Mars ! Wake up, Colonel

MARS : Eh ? Somebody say something to me ?

APOLLO : About the battle ; the Old Man wants to know what you

thought of it.

MARS : Battle, indeed. 1 saw no-blood shed.

APOLLO : But some injuries were given—and more intended.

MARS : A skirmish ! A mere brawl MERCURY : It was good fun, though. You folk ought to have joined in,

the way we used to at Troy. I did.

APOLLO : You ?

MERCURY : Nothing easier. I just changed shape, and the wings on my

sandals gave me a delightfully unlair advantage. I scored all the tries as a matter of fact.

APOLLO : For which team. MERCURY : For both of course. \1 had to cheat them both, just to be fa