No. 644: The winners

Charles Seaton reports: Asked to comment on the opening of a 'dolphinarium' in London's Oxford Street, most competitors were on the side of the dolphins and the English language,

As B. J. Kennedy wrote:

In Oxford Street did modern man A Dolphinarium decree—

A word produced with great elan For reasons purposeless to scan, And sickeningly twee.

But a minority saw no harm. George van Schaick put their point of view: If dolphins, seeking popular acclaim Can now, at last, aspire to West End fame, Why should the purists criticise the name Of 'dolphinarium'?

The etymology is surely sound; Aquaria, vivaria, abound, Contented doves coo happily around A columbaritun.

It's not ambiguous, nor hard to spell, In fact it suits its purpose very well; Why not go further, calling an hotel A 'people-arium?'

When Greek and Latin fittingly combine To form neologisms which enshrine .. But 1 must post this off to Ninety-nine (The Spectatarium).

'Dolphinarium' itself was an open invitation to word play and invention—and brought in a positive spate of neologisms. Among these en- trants C. H. W. Roll wins three pounds for his neat verses and H. A. C. Evans and Mrs P. K. Brown two pounds each, just ahead of Clare Rule and C. L. Bundela.

Of the remainder, W. F. N. Watson wins three pounds. Anthony Jarvis, with a rather more serious note than most, wins two pounds, as does Molly Fitton's wry reflection. Near- winners were M. Holtby, N. J. Rock and G. J. Blundell.

. . . And now off to see Bonnie and Clyde for myself, (C. H. W. Roll) I really must declarium I wouldn't greatly carium To view a dolphinarium, In Londoh or elsewhere.

I wouldn't pay the farium to get from here to tharium, And go and stand and starium, Or goggle from a chair: At whales etceterarium, A-flying through the air.

(W. F. N. Watson) I am the Dolphin, symbol of the Deep, Friend of the sailor: fair winds he foretells As through the wave he sees me plunge and leap When Triton's wreathed horn the tempest quells.

Bright Amphitrite's subject have I been, And gambolled o'er Poseidon's watery home; The silver feet of lovely Thetis seen, And Aphrodite rising from the foam.

Santa Maria, Argo, Cutty Sark, Longship and liner, galleon, clipper, yawl; Columbus, Nelson, Noah in his ark, Chichester, Cook—I've companied them all.

Now lubbers queue to see my mighty leap To take a high-held fish, or other treat : I am a Dolphin, symbol of the Deep— Performing in a tank in Oxford Street,

'(Mrs P. K. Brown)

Attractions! London so can vary 'ern, It's hard to know where to bestow One's entrance fee, or honorarium. There, maybe, where the Planetarium Rubs shoulders with Tussaud's `cemrium,' While close by soars the GPO solarium. There's many a temple, or sacrarituri, And many a show where one may go, With opulent up-to-date scenarium. There's Turkish bath, or calidarium, Zoo, Park, museum, or aquarium. Or here's a notion—Dolphinarium! For cleverness that's not nefarium;— Some creatures are ill-bred, contrarium, Man is mutabile and varium,

But'dolphinsl—Well, I much prefarium.

(Anthony Jarvis) Dolphins, playing in their pride, On whose backs the mermaids ride, Leaping, diving, swimming fleet: Put on show in Oxford Street? Happy Coryphaena gay, Innocent and fair as day, Neptune's children, full of charm: Sent with warheads to Vietnam?

Prospects, these, that horrify! What can save the man who, by Seeking his own El Dorado, Dooms to such a hell—dorado?

(H. A. C. Evans) The English love their language, and adore All creatures; none will change or vary 'ern. That's what they say, yet now they shock them both With something called a dolphinarium.

If this goes on, some day perhaps we'll take The kids upon a here-to-thereium To Regent's Park, to visit monkey hill, The reptile house, the polar bearium.

And what we call a nursing-home today Tomorrow'll be a son-and-heiritun; And furthermore we'll doubtless designate That Grand Hotel the millionaireium. And our permissive, free society Will soon be known as laissez-faircium; But if we go too far with hips and yips We'll end in the constabularium.

(Molly Fitton) Dear Maud—do spare an hour and come

To view the Dolphinarium: How merrily they frisk about— Playful flipper, cheeky snout— Performing in their antic glee Such feats of ingenuity,

The darlings almost seem to be Intelligent as you and me ..

Is it just fancy, do I spy

Satire in that laughing eye?

I get the feeling, strange to say,

That we're the creatures on display. ..

Let's go, dear Maud—I feel quite small, As if this exhibition hall Had somehow, suddenly become

A Homosapientiuml