The A B C of Christmas

" DON'T know whether you're aware of it," said S, -I- addressing his colleagues of the Alphabet, "but this is my busiest time of the whole year."

" Indeed ? " inquired a rather supercilious ,vowel. "And how do you make that out ? "

"Because," announced S, "more words connected with Christmas begin with S than any other letter in the Alphabet."

"I doubt that," said C.

"Produce a list and prove it," demanded F.

"I think," put in A severely, "that you're all out of your turns. Whoever heard of beginning a list at the letter S? If we don't keep to Alphabetical order, who will ? "

" All right," agreed S. "We'll start with A for form's sake. But he isn't in the running, really."

A stood out boldly.

"Almonds," he began, " and—er--angels, anthem, almanacs, ale, aunts and—er—let me see--oh, yes-- Andersen."

"Andersen won't do," objected H. "The name conveys nothing without Hans tacked on to it. In which case it belongs to me."

They argued for a while over that, but B was impatient.

"Listen to this," he urged. "Not bad, I think. Baron-of-beef, boar, Bethlehem, butler, brandy, berries, bough, beer, bountiful, basting, boxes, Blind-man's-buff, bills."

"Bills is good," admitted C; "but I'm not sure that boxes isn't mine. Not that I need it though. I believe I'm the most important letter of the season with church, chimney, Christmas cheer, cards, cooking, charity, choirs, calendars, candles, children, cigars, compliments, crackers, caps, conjurers, carols, chestnuts, charades, champagne."

"My list's not so long," conceded D; "hut it's a highly important one. What would Christmas be without dinner, decorations, Dickens and dancing ? "

"Is that all ? " they asked.

"No," said D. "There's Dyspepsia. Not pleasant I grant you, but quite unavoidable."

"I feel I should be allowed to bag elks," E advanced, "because it's really the correct name of a highly season- able animal. To that I add excitement, entertaining, evergreens, English, eating and expense."

"A feeble lot," smiled F. "You'll all have to pull out to beat me. I give you festival, food, frankincense, flames, family, feast, frolic, friendship, fairy-tales, fire, firs, flirtations, forfeits, fancy-dress, festoons, frost." - "Ghosts," G weighed in hurriedly, before the largeness of this last contribution could be fully realized, "gifts, generosity, grottos, gaiety, Grimm, good-will, guests, games, greetings, geese, gusto, gloves."

"I might as well use mufflers, if you're going to use gloves," M pointed out.

"Rubbish ! "retorted G. "Whoever heard of mufflers in connexion with mistletoe ? "

"'When you've done quarrelling," said H, I'll take my turn. I've already told you that I'm appropriating Hans Andersen. In addition, I register hampers, host, holly and ham."

"A host who overdid the ham might hamper things a bit," mused I. "Still, no doubt it does help out the turkey. I can defeat the last competitor with a much sounder five—infants, icicles, influenza, invitations, and ivy."

J could only muster jests, joy and jazz, the latter re- ceiving some opposition on the score that it had no traditional place in a good old English Christmas. K, with kitchen, kings and kissing, failed to equal L, with logs, lights, laughter, letters and labels. M made an excellent show by producing manger, mother, music, Mary, mince- meat, mistletoe, mottoes, merry, mummers, Mecca:no. N had nuts, noise, nonsense and Noel ; whilst 0 could do no better than oranges, oratorio and old.

"If this was to be settled on a basis of quality instead . of quantity," P prefaced his attempt, "none of you could do anything against pantomime, punch, parcels, Peter Pan, presents, plum-pudding, preparations, parties, post- man, paper, packing."

"It doesn't make much difference to me either way," Q confessed. "I've only got quips and quinine. But as you've just reminded me of it, I'll include quantity. Perfectly applicable, I think ? "

"Though hardly up to my standard," boasted. R. " It's impossible to question raisins, roasting, rush, robins, revelry, relations, romping, reindeers, remembrance."

And now at last S had got his turn. S was in capital form. "Stable," he set off, confidently, "stars, shep- herds, snapdragon, Scrooge, snow, seasonable, spirit, subscription, skates, sausage, sledge, stuffing, Santa Claus, stocking, surfeit, service, singing, sermons, string, sealing-wax, shopping, Sir Roger. I claim to have beaten my nearest rival by three. Those still to come are only a poor type."

"Poor type indeed ! " said T. "What about tips, tinsel, tangerines, theatres, toys, turkeys, trees, tapers, toasts, Tiny Tim ? "

"Unite, uncles," said U, without much hope. "Ventriloquist and visiting," said V.

"Waits, welcome, Wenceslaus, wishes, wine, weather, well-doing, wassail, wise-men," said W.

"Xmas," said X, and was promptly suppressed. "Yule and yore," said Y.

Z, who had been thinking of risking " Zoo," and claim- ing it as being amongst the Christmas attractions, sud- denly had a brain wave and said "Zeitgeist."

STANLEY SALVIDGE.