SPECTATOR CHRISTMAS QUIZ

Set by Christopher Howse

Funny old year

In 1988: 1 What did the French do to HP Sauce?

2 Which candidate, with Hong Kong tattooed on his hands, lost by 3,554?

3 What happened to 'Happy Birth- day to You'?

4 Which philosopher was appointed to a post at the Beehive, Swindon?

5 Which postmark annoyed secular- ists?

6 Who found a 'new poem' by Shakespeare?

7 Who was revealed as President Reagan's astrologer?

8 Who was having trouble with Bat- man when he was sacked by Queensland?

9 Which film posters were banned by the Underground, although the DPP refused to act?

10 What did the Mitsukoshi store give for 'Acrobat and Young Harle- quin'?

But not least

1 Who was the last native Cornish speaker?

2 Who was the last of the Mohicans?

3 On which convent wall is Leonar- do's 'Last Supper' painted?

4 Who was the 'Last of the Goths'?

5 To whom are attributed the last words: 'Die, my dear Doctor, that's the last thing I shall do!'

6 Who was the 'Last of the Tri- bunes'?

7 Who said: 'Nothing odd will do long. Tristram Shandy did not last.'

8 Which of the Apostles died last?

9 What is 'Still last to come when thou art wanted most'?

10 Who wrote: 'This suspense is terri- ble. I hope it will last.'

Sports and freaks

This year: 1 Whose jump in Calgary put him last in the field but broke the British record?

2 In what sport did the defeat of Bynn Jong-il provoke a riot? 3 Who was sacked after giving a barmaid a drink in his room?

4 Who lost his OBE in June and heard of his wife's injury in Au- gust? 5 Which sprinter won and lost a gold with stanozolol?

6 Which English winter tour was prevented by the refusal of visas?

7 Who became the first Briton to win the US Masters?

8 Who beat Glacial Storm to win on Kahyasi for the Aga Khan?

9 Where did a 6' 2" Swede win, 4-6 7-6 6-4 6-2?

10 Who won for the 13th time in 15 years on water and by the biggest margin since 1909 on turf?

Says who?

1 Name the cartoonist who died this year, who said, think it is the height of rudeness to sleep with a girl only once.'

2 According to a biography pub- lished this year, which man replied to John Betjeman, upon being asked if he could stroke his bot- tom, `Oh, I suppose so, if you must.'

3 Who said of the new British Lib- rary, 'The reading room looks more like an assembly hall of an academy for secret police.'

4 Who opined, 'More television and radio should also mean better tele- vision and radio.'

5 Who said, when, 'I wouldn't have won the women's tournament the way I played.'

6 Who raged, where, 'Tell that lance corporal he's for the bloody high jump.'

7 Who said: 'Personally, I don't think that in his age and condition , it would be wise for him to choose to go back to prison.' 8 Who said that the Church of Eng- land Synod seemed to think that it 'was less sinful for a man to sleep with his neighbour than with his neighbour's wife'.

Dogs' lives

1 At which battle was Prince Rupert's dog, Boy, killed?

2 Name the authoress of The Myster- ies of Udolpho, whose dogs were Fan and Dash.

3 Who built Fonthill and had a dog called Viscount Fartleberry?

4 What was the name of Newton's dog that burnt some of his papers?

5 Who was the author of am his Highness' dog at Kew', who had a dog called Bounce?

In and out

This year: 1 Who was out in August after flying into trouble the year before?

2 Who was in a I tram shed in Birm- ingham on his 40th birthday?

3 Who was out of communion after consecrating four bishops?

4 Who was in the Palace on 15 February for his first day at work?

5 Who was out of communion for having attended Mass?

6 Who was voted in as the 78th Grand Master of the Order of the Knights of Malta?

7 Which dots and dashes will be out of general use by 1999?

8 Which formerly exiled Soviet dissi- dent was in America this Novem- ber?

9 Who faded out 'Imperial Echoes'?

10 Which actress was in the money to the tune of £300,000 after a libel case?

Requiescant

This year: 1 Who died 14 years after faking his own death?

2 What was Margot Bryant, who died at the age of 90 on New Year's Day, best known for?

3 Which actor fell off a horse in Spain and died?

4 Which 'Carry On' star died, aged 62?

5 Which traitor died, aged 76?

6 Which friend of Prince Charles died at Klosters? '

7 Whose death preceded Benazir Bhutto's success?

SPECTATOR CHRISTMAS QUIZ

8 Who was the author of Cry, the Beloved Country, who died, aged 85?

Odd couples

Pair up the lists below.

1 Margaret Drabble 2 Pat Kavanagh 3 Polly Toynbee 4 Paula Yates 5 Charlotte Bingham 6 Judi Dench 7 Moira Shearer 8 Brigid Brophy 9 Bel Mooney 10 Mary Kenny 11 Princess Alexandra 12 Tina Brown 13 Jane Asher 14 Alice Thomas Ellis 15 Madonna 16 Esther Rantzen 17 Gayle Hunnicutt 18 Jill Craigie 19 Margaret Forster 20 Rula Lenska 21 Joan Plowright 22 D.C. Lee 23 Dawn French 24 Jennifer Saunders 25 Sarah Brightman 26 Chrissie Hynde 27 Jill Tweedie 28 Nanette Newman 29 Michele Dotrice 30 Pauline Collins a John Alderton b Michael Levey c Edward Woodward d Peter Jenkins e Bryan Forbes f Gerald Scarfe g Alan Brien h Jonathan Dimbleby j Jim Kerr k Sean Penn 1 Andrew Lloyd Webber m Julian Barnes n Ade Edmondson o Richard West p Terence Brady q Lenny Henry r Michael Holroyd s Paul Weller t Angus Ogilvy u Laurence Olivier v Michael Williams w Dennis Waterman x Bob Geldof y Hunter Davies z Harold Evans i Michael Foot ii Cohn Haycraft iii Simon Jenkins iv Desmond Wilcox vi Ludovic Kennedy

'They also serve . .

1 Who had a black servant called Francis Barber?

2 Whose maid gave birth in a cup- board?

3 Which sculptor's servant was known, from her complexion, as Black Bet or Bronze?

4 Who was the father of three poets and had a valet called Henry Moat?

5 To which fictional character was Mark Tapley the servant?

6 Which poet's valet was called Wil- liam Fletcher?

7 In Vanity Fair, which family had a servant called Sambo?

8 To which club did Jeeves belong?

9 What creature was the footman that Alice met in Wonderland?

10 Who has the title `servus servorum Dei'?

OK?

Match the lyrics to the performers 1 And it's all right now, In fact it's a gas.

2 It's all right Even when push comes to shove 3 There's a city in my mind, Come along and take that ride, And it's all right, baby it's all right.

4 Everything's gonna be all right. Everything's gonna be all right, Everything's gonna be all right, Everything's gonna be all right.

5 All right now, baby it's all right now. 6 Saturday night's all right for fight- ing, Saturday night's all right.

7 All right, all right, all right.

a Free b The Rolling Stones c Mungo Jerry d The Traveling Wilburys e Elton John f Talking Heads g Bob Marley

Acrostic

Enter the four-letter words which com- plete the quotations below in the grid to spell out the seasonal message in col- umns A and C.

1 Full well they laughed with coun- terfeited ---- At all his jokes, for many a joke had he (Goldsmith, 'The Deserted Vil- lage, 201) 2 The power of wealth I tried And all the various ---- of costly pride.

(Prior, 'Pleasure', 14) 3 To be ---- in doubt Is ---- to be resolved.

(Othello, III, 3, 180) 4 Like a sheeted ghost, the vessel swept Towards the ---- of Norman's Woe. (Longfellow, `The Wreck of the Hesperus') 5 What ---- from beauty spring. (Johnson, 'The Vanity of Human Wishes', 319) 6 A perplexed length of ----, and aisle, and nave.

(Browning, 'Prince Hohenstiel- Schwangau, Saviour of Society', 686) 7 In the Spring a livelier ---- changes on the burnish'd dove.

(Tennyson, `Locksley Hall', 19) 8 And turning up her ---- with looks abused.

(Byron, Don Juan, I, 159, 3) A C 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Answers — page 97

Quiz

Funny old year. 1 The French BSN bought it; 2 Robert Gillespie at Govan; 3 Its copyright was up for sale; 4 Dr Julius Tomin, the Oxford philosopher; 5 'Jesus is alive'; 6 Peter Levi; 7 Joan Quigley; 8 Ian Botham, walking in the Alps with elephants; 9 Those for The Last Tempta- tion of Christ; 10 About f_21 million for this Picasso.

But not least. 1 Doi Penteath (died 1777); 2 Uncas, in James Fenimore Cooper's novel; 3 Santa Maria della Grazie, Milan; 4 Roderick (died 711), as in Southey's novel; 5 Palmerston; 6 Cola di Rienzi (died 1354), as in Lord Lytton's novel; 7 Samuel John- son (Boswell, 20 March 1776); 8 St John; 9 Sleep (Wordsworth's 'To Sleep'); Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest) Sports and freaks. Eddie Edwards; 2 Box- ing; 3 Mike Gatting; 4 Lester Piggott; 5 Ben Johnson; 6 Cricket to India; 7 Sandy Lyle; 8 Ray Cochrane; 9 Stefan Edberg at Wimbledon; 10 Oxford.

Says who? 1 Mark Boxer; 2 Hugh Gaits- kellh 3 Prince Charles; 4 Douglas Hurd; 5 John McEnroe, after Wimbledon; 6 Neil Kinnock, upon being detained in Zim- babwe; 7 President Botha, about Nelson Mandela; 8 John Gummer; Dogs' lives. 1 Marston Moor; 2 Mrs Rad- cliffe; 3 William Beckford; 4 Diamond; 5 Alexander Pope.

In and out. 1 Mathias Rust; 2 Prince Charles; 3 Archbishop Lefebvre; 4 Prince Edward at the Palace Theatre; 5 Lord Mackay, after a judgment by the Free Presbyterian Church of Scotland; 6 Andrew Bertie; 7 Morse Code, after a decision by the International Maritime Organisation; 8 Andrei Sakharov; 9 The World Service, by changing its newsreel signature tune; 10 Koo Stark.

Requiescant. 1 John Stonehouse, 2 Playing Minnie Caldwell in Coronation Street; 3 Roy Kinnear; 4 Kenneth Williams; 5 Kim Philby; 6 Major Hugh Lindsay; 7 General Zia; 8 Alan Paton.

Odd couples: 1 and r; 2 and m; 3 and d; 4 and x; 5 and p; 6 and v; 7 and vi; 8 and b; 9 and h; 10 and o; 11 and t; 12 and z; 13 and f; 14 and ii; 15 and k; 16 and iv; 17 and iii; 18 and i; 19 and y; 20 and w; 21 and u; 22 and s; 23 and q; 24 and n; 25 and 1; 26 and j; 27 and g; 28 and e; 29 and c; 30 and a.

'They also serve. . 1 Samuel Johnson; 2 Carlyle; 3 Joseph Nollekens; 4 Sir George Sitwell; 5 Martin Chuzzlewit; 6 Byron; 7 The Sedleys; 8 The Junior Ganymede; 9 A frog; 10 The Pope.

OK? 1 and b (`Jumping Jack Flash'); 2 and d; 3 and f ('We're on the Road to Nowhere'); 4 and g (`No Woman No Cry'); 5 and a; 6 and e; 7 and c.

Acrostic

A C 1 GL EE 2 LUXE 3 ONCE 4 R EEF 5 ILL S 6 AP SE 7 IR I S 8 NOS E