POLITICAL C OMMENTARY

Signposts for the '90s

AUBERON WAUGH

Mr Richard Crossman seemed completely recovered from his bronchial influenza, com- plicated as it had been by pneumonia, when this historic Parliament of ours reconvened on Monday. For a man who has looked into the gates of hell, he seemed positively chirpy. He could not make up his mind which was more scandalous, Tory behaviour in the 1930s or the present Tory decision to oppose his National Superannuation Bill. It was a 'shabby passage in our national his- tory,' he proclaimed, with only the faintest hint of a wheeze, that Conservatives should oppose the abolition of poverty in old age. To rousing cheers from his own side, he mentioned the 'failure of the Tory govern- ment in twelve years to do anything about the problem.' Hear, Hear they carolled joy- ously. This happy breed of men, this little world, this precious stone set in the silver sea.

Rumours of Mr Crossman's death, it appeared, had been greatly exaggerated. So of course have rumours coming out of Biafra about starvation, murders and similar unpatriotic things. It was surely significant that many of these rumours had come from foreigners, Irishmen and such- like. The Nigerian troops had behaved throughout like perfect gentlemen as we all knew they would and most of the Biafrans that were left behind were in remarkably good shape.

But before the House could be reassured on this rather tiresome point by the Prime Minister, there were more urgent matters needing attention. Mr John Tilney, the Con- servative Member for the Wavertree division of Liverpool, and one of the many unsung heroes of the Nigerian war, had tabled a question during the recess asking the Minis- ter of Posts and Telecommunications 'If, so that Merseyside can get adequate three- station reception in colour, he will ensure that the British Broadcasting Corporation and the Independent Television Authority expedite the alterations to the Meel-y- Parc transmitters.' It is a shabby passage in our national history, indeed, if the decent folk of Merseyside—some of whom are old age pensioners, widows or chronically sick —cannot get adequate- three-station recep- tion in colour. Mr Tilney stood up again, later, to demand the Prime Minister's per- sonal assurance that he would never give political asylum to General Ojukwu. A lot of things seem to be worrying this gentle- man.

But he need not have worried. Mr Wilson was able to inform him that the question did not arise. When one considers how the British government treats old friends, like King Freddie of Buganda. when they are in exile, Mr Tilney's anxieties seem to border on the obsessive. But the Prime Minister's behaviour throughout was most statesman- like. He said nothing that was inflammatory, or mean, or truculent. The chief impression I received from him was that he was scared out of his wits, but he need not have been. Whatever he may have done, the House of Commons did it too, and he was among friends.

Mr Stewart, who sat beside him, was quivering in some sort of internal frenzy,

as he always does whenever he sus- pects that someone might be about to have

misunderstood him. He was wringing the order paper in his hands, with his knuckles gleaming white, no doubt thinking of all the ways he could improve on the Prime Minis- ter's narrative, with a little artistic flourish here, some baroque ornamentation there. He would have had the House screaming at him in seconds. But Mr Wilson was un- challenged. The House listened to him in silence, and was in no mood afterwards to listen to anyone who criticised the speed of relief. Whatever else may happen, our historic Biafra Parliament intends to stick together.

Mr Wilson did not suggest that we would be in the same position as the Nigerians if confronted with a secession by Scotland. This was Mr Heath's contribution to the great debate, delivered in an aside at Bristol on Friday. The more one studies this magni- ficent man the more his stature grows. Nobody can say that he is merely trying to court popularity, or that he has not a po'icy for every eventuality. If that does not stop all this rot about nationalism among the Scots, they had better start counting their bonny wee bairns.

But the Speaker certainly judged the mood of the House correctly when he refused Mr Hugh Fraser's request for an emergency debate on the subject of relief into Biafra. Biafrans may or may not be starving in their thousands every day. Mr Stewart may or may not have misled the House when he assured them that the former Biafran gov- ernment's refusal of daylight flights was the only obstacle to relief. The Nigerian Red Cross may or may not be competent to undertake the task. The House of Commons neither knows nor wants to know. Mr Crossman's ingenious scheme for earnings- related pensions, which may come into full force some time in the 1990s, was a matter of far more pressing concern. Which we can almost understand, when Gallup reveals that 43 per cent of the public believe that life expectancy will be 100 then.

But before I leave the subject, it would be interesting to speculate on exactly what considerations do influence Mr Speaker in his decision to allow an emergency debate

or not. Neither Mr Wilson nor Mr Stewart appeared to be in any doubt as to what his decision would be, and this is something

which I have noticed before from the Gov- ernment front bench on most occasions when someone has tried to move the ad- journment under Standing Order nine. The only exception I can remember was the emergency debate on the Soames affair.

No doubt it would be over-dramatic to describe these pensions, as a mining MP once described coal, as having blood on them. But I was relieved that Mr Crossman played his organ a little short on the con- tralto chords. Of course compassion came into it, but basically this scheme was a clever wheeze to make the young—through poli- tical apathy and,_. ignorance—subsidise the over forty-fives for their entire working life.

This might be called the redistributive ele- ment, and Mr Crossman juggled the happy phrase in the air along with other sonorous titles—'pre-award dynamism' and 'abate- ment'—to convince the gaping rustics that he was a very clever man indeed. The only douche of cold water came from Mr Doug- las Houghton (even older than Mr Cross- man. at seventy-one) who thought it all a perfectly splendid scheme, but very much doubted whether the younger generation would ever honour the promissory notes which all these sexagenarian Crossmen were signing so blithely on their behalf.

Lord Balniel made a better speech than usual. It could be that breeding is beginning to tell, but I think it more likely that the Secretary of State for the Social Services has an uneasy awareness that others do not share his passion for pre-award dynamism or abatement and are frankly bored to death by the subject, whereas Lord Balniel, of course, has no such awareness. He really thought it a dreadful shame that nobody would be able to estimate his entitlement— another shabby passage in our national history on the way.

I dare say that Mr Crossman's political judgment, for once, is sound—that the young are so uninterested in politics and so obsessed by sex that they will vote half their wagepackets to the over forty-fives so long as you tell them that you approve of sexual intercourse in the modern world. But I doubt this generosity surviving long— after marriage, for instance. And Mr Cross- man gives the impression nowadays of living in a world entirely populated by pressure groups, abatement societies, etc, and almost to have forgotten that voters exist. So far as voters are concerned, he believes that workers do not notice pay deductions for national insurance—only the taxes. The debate was also marked by a suitably indifferent maiden speech from Mr Peter Frye, the victor of Wellingborough, who opened by declaring an interest. Good little man. Parliament is home again.

But the chief memory which will survive from the Biafra Parliament's new first day of term is of Mr George Thomas, describ- ing in his beautiful, half-witted Welsh lilt, how the good people of Wales had averted a major disaster at the Lluest Wen Reser- voir, above Maerdy, in Rhonda Fach Valley: 'on 23 December a small area of the surface at the top of the dam collapsed under the weight of a horse and rider and revealed a cavity . . . the House will wish to join me in paying tribute to the many organisations and individuals, too numerous to mention individually, who through day and night under difficult weather conditions have worked at full stretch to effect a suc- cessful outcome.'

Mr Thorpe jumped to his feet to ask whether, if a horse and rider were respons- ible, these things should not be kept away from our reservoirs. In fact, of course, the horse saved the situation. Disaster had been averted in Wales. Parliament was itself again—just so long as those endearing Welshmen don't try any silly billy nonsense about Welsh nationalism.