Life in Vest
Charlotte Hobson
TWO CARAVANS: A NOVEL by Marina Lewycka
Penguin/ Fig Tree, £16.99, pp. 310, ISBN 9780670916375
✆ £13.59 (plus £2.45 p&p) 0870 429 6655 Summer, Angliski countryside, two caravans, perhaps you think this mean happy holiday possibility, heh? High-spec girl, golden underarm hair like duckling down, etc.? Shcho ti! This Marina Lewycka novel, not metro romance! No, this charming but little bit low food-hygiene story of strawberry pickers in Kent. Not so far from previous product — A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian — but less industrial-agricultural sector, more flexible employment solutions, dynamic cuttingedge recruitment consultants. Modern times, yes?
Many different country, many dreams bring strawberry picker here to boys’ and girls’ caravans (Swift Silhouette with kitchenette and pale-green Everglade, both little bit veteran-style now). From Poland and Ukraine they come to taste life in Vest. Money they need, of course, and business possibility, and while primitive among them dream of Angliska rose with many positive features plus maybe own transport, others of superior mentality and intelligentsia background imagine instead Byron, Heathcliffe etc. From Malawi also they journey with most fulsome English style, seeking lost sister in this rainstruck land, but being likewise needful of money, they enter fruitpicking employment with East European mzungus while the wherebeing of beloved sibiling is unknown.
From China and Malaysia they come also, but not speaking English and being inclined to giggle, they are known only as Chinese girls One and Two, national stereotyping being of course available to all even in absence of broken English.
Among caravan folk is minor problema between two-zloty pudding of a Ukrainian girl Irina and Yola, lady supervisor whose opinion it is that height of Ukrainian civilisation was achieved during its brief occupation by Poland. Yola also cannot for life of her understand how men can be such fools as to steal her knickers (white, generous cut, pretty mauve ribbon) from the washing line. But apart from small unpleasantries, strawberry life not so bad. Some evenings when they drink Vitaly’s special-priced cans of lager, and Marta cooks for everyone (Why? Because Polish women are proper women, that’s why!), Tomek plays guitar, clouds turn pink in darkening sky, etc., is almost like old communist times when, say what you like, at least women did not take unnatural, undignified and potentially dangerous steps to remove pubic hair. It would not be permitted.
But many bed people have already been coming to England, recruitment consultant people, chicken farm supervisor people, gun-carrying speculator middle-men people. All very difficult to understand for innocent caravan folk and lead them into unusual adventures, some little bit nasty. Most nasty is battery chicken farm adventure, involving very much torture of poultry and chopping of one finger-tip. Very nasty also is fate of Chinese girls One and Two, escorted to future employment in Amsterdam by shaven-head Mr Smith. For though every dynamic man knows that revolutionisation of flexible employment solutions is key to getting VIP Elite rich, it not so profitable for confused and desperate ones just off ferry.
Lucky for them, caravan folk have Dog, also speaking in non-mothertongue English though not so much interesting to say, yet very fantastic in urgent life-or-death situation with criminal element. All end is happy, all romantic possibility is make success (except for Chineses One and Two). Nu shcho ti?! This Marina Lewycka, delightful ironical humour story, not too much grimy realism. Maybe not quite so brand-new fresh style as international bestsellering Tractors, but many people will be enjoy, yes, and pick up nice Ukrainian-speak, like me.
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