YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. I find myself constantly smarting — for want of a better phrase — from the presumptions of instant matey-ness one encounters in almost every human interchange in English day-to-day life. Why should someone I have never met before address me by my Christian name? Why should the youth from the local garage who has never clapped eyes on me let alone been introduced (but who knows full well that I am a Lord) telephone me saying, ‘Hi Alex, do you want to test drive the latest BMW we’ve got in?’ I am 33 and some of my friends say that I am being pompous, and that this epidemic of bogus familiarity is the modern way and I must go along with it. The problem is that because I am a viscount, people assume I am trying to pull rank. This is not the case. I would want people to call me Mr A if I were not Lord A. I want the people who call me by my Christian name to have earned the right to that familiarity. (Incidentally, when they do know my Christian name, what gives them the right to shorten it?) I like to see respect for the gradations and distinctions which used to denote the stages through which relationships develop from casual encounters towards true friendship. What should I do?
Alexander Town, England A. Employ, even if only on a one-day-a-month basis, a personal assistant named Alexander. This will deal with telephonic abuse because when people ring up drawling ‘Alexander?’, the PA can force correct usage by replying, ‘Oh, did you want Alexander, the assistant to Lord X? Or did you want to speak to Lord X himself?’ Alexander the assistant can also tour some of your usual face-to-face trouble spots with you. In this way when the ‘Alexing’ happens you can feign deafness while Alexander the assistant answers, ‘Sorry, are you talking to me or to Lord X?’ Some of these people have good, though misguided, intentions. But having found themselves pronouncing the word ‘Lord’ once, they will be less shy about doing it in the future.
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