Westminster corridors
Tuesday, the thirteenth day of May
If the Effusions of certain leading Statesmen are not mere Wild Exaggeration, then our Fanaticks who look to Muscovy as the Ideal Polity both are more Numerous and possess greater Influence on Publick Affairs than hath hitherto been believed by Men of Sense and Proportion. For Master R. Jenkins hath declared tht the Patriotic Cause of Opposition to any European Entanglement is but a Facade, that behind it the Muscovite Party doth plot and intrigue to seize all Power, and that no Cause should triumph which is tarnished by their Support, Perhaps Master Jenkins hath forgot that these same Fanaticks have regularly counselled their Followers to elect Master Jenkins and all the other Champions of the Artisan Cause, except where Fanatick candidates have themselves sought the People's Favour.
Master Heath too hath asserted that all who differ with him on the matter of the Great Entanglement must, by that token, be either Muscovite Fanaticks or their Dupes. And Master Prentice hath damned Patriots totally, sneering that they contain not a single Man of Mode nor Mirror of Fashion. Wherefore these Statesmen are lauded by our Hacks and Scribblers as Men of Moderate Sentiment and Judicious Expression.
Wednesday, the fourteenth day of May
All those, whom Master Rees-Mogg assures me daily are Engines of Moderation and Bastions of the Rule of Law among the Artisans, have
this day assented, if with ill-grace, to a novel Measure that would absolve Citizens from their Duty to Obey the Law, should they consider it . in conflict with their Tastes, Opinions, Whims, Interest, or the Principles of the Artisan Party. Yet, similar dispensation is not be granted to Rateand Taxpayers, for fear that it should make Levelling Impossible. Such conduct goes by the name of Social Democracy in these Fretful Days.
Thursday, the fifteenth day of May
Our Publick Prints have this day reported the Intelligence that an American merchant ship hath been seized upon the High Seas by Agents of the Fanatick Junta, that now rules in Cambodia to the manifest Distress of its Wretched Subjects. Which action was at once denounced by our Hacks as -an error of Judgement," "counter-productive" and by other terms that suggest a mild and judicious' Response. Yet, the Americans having retrieved the Ship and its Crew by the Employment of . Military Force, their Action was denounced as a Terrifying Threat to the Peace of Mankind. Were the Cambodians subject to the laws of our Kingdom, I am confident that the Artisans would by now have brought in a Measure to indemnify those guilty of the Vile Crime of Piracy against all Penalties.
Friday. the sixteenth day of May
,Though the Chrysler company for the Manufacture of Stage-coaches bath incurred vast Losses in recent years, yet itseWorkers, reckless of the Consequences, have ceased work and promised to remain Idle until they should be granted higher Wages. And many ask wonderingly: are they mad? Yet their Madness is but a Sane Response to the Mad Stratagems of our
Governors. For, the vast Losses of British Leyland have procured for the workers there a Guarantee that the State will pay out Monies to ensure that as many of them will be employed for as long as they may wish, though none should wish to purchase the products of their Labour. And Master Bob' Brown, whom the workers follow in this Matter, hath declared that he would rather be without a Job than toil in Chrysler for a pittance — his conception of a pittance being £57 per week. Yet would Master Brown really prefer Idleness, had our Masters not ensured by their Generosity that it would be Idleness without Tears? Yet, such destructive generosity goes by the name of Social Democracy these fretful days.
Saturday, the seventeenth day of May
It being acknowledged by all that Democracy is an uncertain Business, liable to produce results none could have foreseen, and Master H. Scanlon (who presides over a Powerful Combination of Workers in the Engineering Industries, placed there with the support of Fanaticks) having discovered that Democratical Methods of Election had achieved the Success of Candidates not to his Taste (for they were all but capable of Simple Calculation, and did not believe that Mere Faith could conjure up Vast Wealth from Thin Air for the Remuneration of Artisans, or for any other Purpose), he bath determined to abandon such methods and return instead to the tried-andtrue Procedures of the Past, whereby Few ever Meddled in the Elections, and those mainly Reliable Fanaticks, and in consequence there was a pleasing Certainty about the Results. None call this Social Democracy as yet, but they will in due Course.
Tom Puzzle
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