YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary..
Q. I have a friend, a neighbour, who often tries to horn in when she finds out I am having interesting people to stay for the weekend. She will say something like, 'That sounds fun — I'll come over too if you like.' Although I am fond of her, I do not neces- sarily require her presence at every distin- guished gathering, yet since we chat regu- larly she always knows my plans. How can I discourage her from inviting herself with- out her thinking I have gone off her?
Name and address withheld A. Next time you wish to deflect your friend's offer, be prepared when she enquires, 'What are you doing this week- end?' You can answer, 'Oh that's another story [heavy sigh]. I've got a house full and Selina Scott [or other likely glamour figure] rang and asked if she could come too and I had to say, "No. I'll scream if I have to think about one more person." I feel guilty about it now but I really do have enough people for a psychological mix and Selina would be the straw that broke the camel's back.' You can vary the identities of the self-inviters from week to week until your neighbour gets the message.
Q. I have been informed that an elderly friend with whom I frequently stay is in the habit of pocketing the five- or ten-pound note that I leave in my bedroom for his daily. What should I do next time I stay? Incidentally, he always leaves a fiver when he stays with me.
W.B., Salop A. Let the old boy have the money for him- self. He is probably suffering from a mini- neurosis and thinks he needs the tip to put towards depreciation of his carpets, bed- linen and the like, during your visit.
Q. For various reasons — being thirty- and forty-something, living in London, working in the arts — my wife and I have too many friends. This does not normally cause us anxiety but we would like to give a party in the near future and do not wish to have to hold it in the Albert Hall, or, indeed, the newly fashionable Royal Festival Hall. We have got to invite everyone — people would be so hurt if they weren't asked — but can you think of any way of making the invita- tion seem unattractive so that we can count on a good number of people declining?
Name and address withheld A. Why not give a fancy-dress party with a difficult theme — such as 'Farm Animals'? Image-conscious people will decline in their droves.
If you have a problem, write to Dear Mary clo The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL.
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