SOME PAROCHIAL STORIES.
[To the Editor of the SPECTATOR.] SIR,—Sunday School.—(1) I called on Mrs. Z. about her son's irregular attendance, and her reply was : "I calls it a shame his not coming to your class, and I always said it was a shame his leaving Zion when they were so kind to him. But, as I tells people, they will one day have to go to your church to be buried, so they may as well go there now when they are alive ; as for myself, when my spasms allow it, I go to the Primitives, and my husband, if he goes anywhere, goes round the corner to the public-house."
(2) "Why were you not at Sunday School ? " "Because mother had fastened (pawned) my clothes to put ten shillings on our dog." "Did the dog win ? " " No ; father forgot to take the dog."
Marriage.—(1) A relation of the bride's was receiving th... guests and showing them into their places. He was got up regardless of expense, and was thoroughly satisfied with himself. Fortunately, he did not hear the following conversa- tion. One old woman said to another : "Who do you reckon that is clevering about in the middle ? " The answer , was : "I don't know, but to look at him I should say that he was a young man from Womersley's (the Leds decorator)." (2) A curate was giving an address. He said he was glad to hear the organist at such a time playing "Brief life is here our portion." The organist, rather nettled, said : "I was doing nothing of the kind ; I was playing "The Voice that breathed o'er Eden.'" (It is one of the curious points in Hymns Ancient and Modern that there is the same tune for both hymns.) A giggle went through the church. Soon after I heard my friend say :— " Down to Gehenna and up to the throne, Re rideth the best who rides alone."
In the vestry I observed that Rudyard Kipling's lines showed the advantage of being a bachelor, and were hardly suitable for a marriage address. His answer 'was: "I don't care what he meant, but I had to restore the situation and I did so."
(3) "You see the bride ; she's pretending to be praying, but she's thinking her veil has gone crooked, and she's right."
(4) The bishop, in giving the address, said, incidentally, that husbands did not choose their wives simply for their good looks. The comment of a .voice near was : " Well, I call that hard lines ; she is quite nice looking, and he had no call to say that of her."—! am, Sir, &c., N. E. L.
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