25 JUNE 1932, Page 18

"Spectator" Competitions

RULES AND CONDITIONS

Entries must be typed or very clearly written on one side of the paper only. The name and address, or pseudonym, of the competitor must be on each entry and not on a separate sheet. When a word limit is set words must be counted and the number given. No entries can be returned. Prizes may be divided at the discretion of the judge, or withheld if no entry reaches the required standard. The judge reserves the right to print or quote from any entry. The judge's decision is final, and no correspondence can be entered into on the subject of the award. Entries must be addressed to :-The Editor, the Spectator, 99 Gower Street, London, W.C. 1, and be marked on the envelope Competition No. (--).

Competition No. 63 (SET BY " CARD.") IT is supposed that an American Cinema Company has decided to make films of six famous English novels. A prize of 12 2s. is offered for the best list of six novels to be used for the purpose, with suitable Hollywood titles.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, June 27th. 1932. The result of this competition will appear ID our issue of July 9th, 1932.

Report of Competition No. 61

(REPORT AND AWARD BY CARD.")

A PRIZE of £2 2s. was offered for a list of the Six Greatest Fools in History. Only those who had attained a certain eminence were to be considered as qualifying for inclusion. Choice was limited to those who had died before the beginning of the twentieth century.

This has been a competition delightful to consider, but difficult to judge. The choice of subjects was remarkable rather for its variety than ingenuity : in certain cases nomination seemed either inscrutable or laboured. The process of selection was governed by two separate principles, and those, whose entry into this particular portion of the temple of fame was justified, therefore fell into two broad classes-those whose folly was incidental to their greatness (great but foolish men), and those who achieved greatness through their folly (great foolish men). Both classes fell legitimately within the scope of the competition. A third and less interesting category, the neither remarkably great nor superlatively foolish, absorbed the remnant.

Numerically, the Bible disputed with the French nobility for pride of place : with the Roman Senate and the British aristocracy well supported. Kings of all nations were especially favoured (almost every English King from Edward the Confessor to William IV had his following) ; but cumu- latively the Old Testament (represented, notably, by Solomon, Esau, Eve, Lot's wife, Rehoboam and Ahab) was easily at the head of the poll.

The prize is awarded to "Hibiscus," and the entries of "To Quoque," Captain J. R. Cleland, and Guy Hadley are commended.

THE WINNING ENTRY.

Six GREATEST Foots.

1. "Prince Bismarck," for his remark " Nen Canossamus " and the complete failure of his May Laws. 2. "Peter the Great," for taking Russia West.

3. "Louis XVI," for writing in his diary " Rien " on the day on which the Bastille fell.

4. "The Emperor Joseph II," for his misplaced reformatory zeal.

5. "John Richard Green," soi-disant historian, for his remark on page 787 of the 1911 edition of his" Short History of the English People"; "The history of France has little result beyond

France itself." •

6. "Napoleon III," for placing himself at any given time in his career with the best intentions on the horns of a dilemma which was bound to paralyse his best efforts.

Hrarscos.

Commended :

1. "Napoleon," for failing to become, in early years, a citizen of the British Empire. 2. "Francis Bacon," for neglecting to leave proof, in diary or what.not, of his sole authorship of the plays of his contemporary, William Shakespeare.

3. "Henry VIII," for not realizing that, if one wife failed to satisfy, none of five others was likely to succeed. 4. "Simon StylitAss," who could have acquired all the diseases he developed on his pillar much more comfortably in the cities

beneath.

5. "Homer," for omitting to employ a publicity agent. 6. "Nicholas Cugnot," for inability to conceive the inferno he was preparing for the twentieth century when he invented the motor.car.

To Quootrx.

I. " Eve " (time immemorial), who, being the first, set the fashion.

2. " Adam " (time immemorial), the first man to take advice from his wife.

3. " Nero " (A.D. 37-68), an early exponent of the principle of prohibition. 4. "Edward Semler" (A.D. 1742-1823), who reintroduced fetish. worship through the medical profession. 5. "Napoleon Buonoparte " (A.D. 1769-1821), who tried to usurp the functions of the Almighty.

6. "Prince Bismarck" (A.D. 1815-1898), who persuaded a great many people that a machine was capable of thought. J. R. CLELAND.

1. "Christopher Columbus," without comment. 2. "Alexander the Great," who ruined his digestion.

3. "Richard Coeur-de-Lion," who ruined England.

4. "Louis XIV," who ruined France.

5. "Napoleon," who ruined Europe. 6. "Rousseau," who ruined everything.

GET HADLEY.

Result of Limerick Competition No. 31

Tim most popular subjects for Limericks this week were Frank Harris and Arnold Bennett (E. F. Benson), How Mr. Asquith fell (Lord Crewe, Lord Buckmaster, Sir Robert Bruce, 5:e.). Swinbume (John Sparrow), The Labouring Life (Edmund Blunden), "The Snail in the Bottle," "Damming the Zuyder Zee."

The prize is awarded to Lt.-Col. F. A. Goddard, 45 Warwick Road, S.W. 5.

THE WINNING ENTRY.

DAmstrito THE Zinc-DER ZEE (page 787). "Father Neptune, like us," say the Dutch, "Gives too little and takes far too much ; But he'll no longer chew

At the old Bight he knew.

For he's been so well dammed he daren't touch."

(Lieut.-Col.) F. A. GODDARD.

Commended :

THE SNAIL TN Trim BOTTLE (page 786). If you suddenly said to me, "What'll You do if I put in your bottle

A little dead snail?"

I should turn rather pale, But it's you I should certainly throttle.

W. HODGSON BURNET.

THE MIDDLE WEST IN B/SNRERS.

There was a young man of the West

Who sat in a car in his vest.

"I've no coat to my back, And no gas and no jack, But this stationary car is the test."

ROWLEY MLLE.

TEE SNAIL IN THE BOTTLE.

Re a snail the importunate sex

May be willing the judges to vex ; Five Law Lords in a row, However, should know That de minimie non can't ler.

W. Faimeis.

PROGRAMMES. By " Mara."

The programmes we hoard, without gauge, Few artists enhance by their age ; Yet one-" Moth" by name, Whose " Grub " works his fame-.

May rise, Phoenix-like, from the page. L. G. At.ratr.