Virtuous Vices

Pure water is .ilte best of gifts that man to man can bring, But who am I that I should have the best of everything? Let princes revel at the pump, let peers with ponds make free,

4 Whisky, or wine, or even beer is good enough for me. prize of six guineas was offered for an equally casuistical justification of any other Com minor vice in four lines of verse.

s l'ETrrioN-se-rriNo is itself a minor vice It Orts, and one of its occasional penalties twing only six guineas to share among Y, or more deserving cases. But I can, dot:ocally, always comfort myself that no th t at least half of them are pseudony- ..c,„„ Joh": entries from Alan M. Kennard Ne‘,"s°n, or the Rev. H. A. C. Dicker. oitertheless this was probably the most the ekult competition I have had to judge, „ two dozen or so out of a large then,',.ueing all very much on a par. Certain cs---such as smoking and its unpleasant athe'equences — were common (certain shap. such as Granville Garley's, were a artlit.,te e too common and have had to be

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thou h Apart from smoking it looks as bed 2," our major minor vices are lying in Wille'n the morning, and gambling, with few and women almost unplaced. Very specire°Mpetitors attempted to justify a ihoun1,e4,11Y feminine (or masculine) vice, 4 lor J. A. Lindon brought it off well with Why"„g-needed explanation of the reason 01'ton"„woman must make a mess of a 'tube

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The vette., neatest and simplest piece of per- (lefenu ingenuity was Leslie Johnson's reco"ce against almsgiving, for which I rerl)anYnend a first prize of two guineas. The hesit,in„ing four guineas, after considerable it. k.°n, I am dividing equally among Litiden°nard Davis, Miss D. F. Bushell, J. A. elese1n, and A. J. W. I., who are followed oY those whose entries appear below Y W. K. Holmes, Margaret Bishop,

Jeffrey T. Smith, P. Nicholson, A. W. Dicker and Hilary, for whose entries there is, alas, no room.

PRIZES

(LESLIE JOHNSON) STINGINESS JUSTIFIED

Who giveth alms, so we are told. Shall be repaid a thousandfold.* Almsgiving. then, is not for me; I scorn the vice of usury.

* Hymns A. and M. No. 365.

(R. KENNARD DAVIS)

To wager is improvident; the sensible refuse To waste their money on a brute that's sure to go and lose! But how much more improvident, and how much worse the sin,

To fail to back a certainty—and watch the blighter win!

(MISS D. F. BUSHELL)

Ah, miracle of summer dawn! The tarnished world made new—

The single lonely bird-notes—the meadows pale with dew— Creation's sixth fair

human tread— I promise I won't spoil it. I shall remain in bed

(J. A. LINDON)

Men need to feel superior, we women have the gifts; And so their pride shall not be hurt, we stoop to crooked shifts, And give them little openings to scold us. That is why

I leave the dentifrice uncapped, and squeeze the tube awry.

morning, unmarred by

(A. J. W. I.) The bishops say I must not bet, nor buy a Premium Bond,

Nor go in for the Football Pools of which I was so fond, But I may clothe the naked and love animals of course, So every week I mean to put my shirt upon a horse. COMMENDED (LAKoN)

Churches are places, I've heard say,

Where sinners go to kneel and pray.

Shall I my reputation smirch By being. seen with them in Church?

(0000witi.) Who lies in bed wants less to eat, Wears out no shoes, or socks, or feet, Requires no soap to wash or shave— How else, Macmillan, can I save?

(BRIGADIER BERNARD FERGLISSON)

The Lower.Classes are such fools To waste their money on the Pools.

I know I bet, but that's misleading: One must encourage bloodstock breeding.

(DOROTHY SALMON) The letter written,

Then the friend's forgot; I'd friends remember, So I answer not.

' (MILDRED BOYS)

'Satan will find some mischief still for idle hands to do,' But I am always ready to be sacrificed for you. You can pursue the heavenward way, from all ' temptation free,

While I keep Satan busy in finding jobs for me.

(AUREA ROLFE)

Joy for a job well done is Heaven sent, God's grace for Martha's way brings sweet content, Work is the prayer that claims Divine reward: Avoiding it, I cost thee nothing, Lord.

(DOREEN BELL)

I know that I am conscious of my beauty And that I think my poems are the best: But vanity, I deem, is but a duty To God, who made me better than the rest.

(MRS. V. R. ORMEROD)

When friends lend me the books they treasure And trust that they will give me pleasure,. I keep them so that all may see How much they also mean to me.

(BARBARA SMOKER)

Being early to bed and to rise is all right Till you've health, wealth, and wisdom, acquired;

But the joys for which you want these things are mostly found at night, And it's always in the morning that you're tired.