GREAT BRITAIN

Life Time's Fool

But thought's the slave of Life, and LIFE TIME'S fool; And TIME, that takes survey of all the world, Must have a stop. . . .

Henry IV, Part 1, Act V, Scene IV.

Power-drunk, balding, over-privileged, under-bellied, Japanese-born Baptist Henry R. (for Randolph*) Luce (rhymes with Puce), Roman boss of Time, Life and Mis- fortune, arrived last week at London Air- Port to meet a representative group of Little Englanders. Object of Luce's visit was to sPark London campaign for election of his aPple-eyed, beauteous, curvaceous, delect- able, effervescent, fun-loving, gorgeous, history-making wife, Claire Luce, as ambas- sadress to London's romantic Court of St. George. Among group, hand-picked by ime Inc's (rhymes with minks) London representative and part-time social secre- tary to Prime Minister Eden, Raymond van 1-lophmenstyle son of late, famous, Hun- garian-Moslem poet, was tite little, right little, island's historic 32-year-old Queen Elizabeth, Lord Ian Gilmore, gigantic Younger brother of Walter John Montague- Scott-Douglas, holder of Ireland's oldest dukedom, Lord Selkirk, the Duchess of }3uccleuch's (rhymes with Duck-Yews) _telephone operator, bombastic Oswald, 2nd )tike of Rothermere, publisher of Lon- don's recently cultured-up Daily Mirror,

RE-WRITEMAN CHURCHILL

Gardening and gunfire at old-world Sussex retreat.

Canadian-born Lord Richard Strong, per- 4)nal chiropodist extraordinary to Wallis, „I)uehess of Windsor and John Foster reriod.

Kemsleyfrogman. Lazy, dollar-thirsty PoWer - hungry, Little Englanders had d:liddle-name RANDOLPH was not taken from

Cnocratic trustbuster, 'TRUST THE PEOPLE' tic)„rd Randolph Churchill but from far-famed 14.4. 100% American newspaper publisher William

"- for Randolph) Hearst (Senior).

worked double shifts to cash in on Luce's London visit. Prime Minister Eden was detained in Commons by ruckus over underwater activities of Kemsleyfrogman lain Fleming, world-beating, globe-trotting, near Life-worthy proprietor of money-spin- ning chain of sadistic horrorcomics and husband of bold, saucy Charteris Girl, modern Little English version of lush American Gibson Girls. Absent Eden directed that royal reception lounge at shabby, unkempt London Airport should be uptidied by Mrs. R. (for Rain) Legg who is currently playing leading role in new CinemaScope version of Somerset Maugham's epic novel, which is named for her. Queue-minded Little Englanders stood in line while search was made for pocket microphones by Little England's top-rank- ing security officer, Honourable Julian Lazard, senior partner and 99.2% share- holder in Lazard Soeurs, world-dominant Belgian banking house which finances Britain's notoriously non-Secret Service.

Prominent in queue to honour Luce were power-grubbing leaders of aristocratic jet set, such as House of Lords boss Duke of Devonshire, Lord Lampton. owner of 96 rotten boroughs, and Lady Juliet Amery, power behind Suez Rebels who last year drove Winston Churchill from office and installed their henchman Eden in control of Little England's nerve centre in Downing Street.

Preceded by a Sovereign's motorised Escort of Life Guards, lent by the Royal Humane Society and subsidised by Guy Burgess, the Queen took the wheel and drove Luce (see CUT) in her vast yellow Hispano-Suiza—wedding-gifted to her by Egypt's Farouk—to renowned Windsor Castle, scene of abdication of Queen's Uncle Eddy Winsor (SPECTATOR, Dec. 12, 1936). Shrieked testy, Nasser-infatuated Luce: "I didn't come here to meet a lot of vulgar people like Lady Docker". "Nor shall you", replied with old world hauteur, protocol- wise Bessie Windsor, energetic, worthy, great-grand-scion of famed, near-cen- tenarian Vicky.

Ed-Ham-Burg. Gorged with Windsor- broiled muffins and tea (MIL)* made with regal hands in same historical, golden pot in which Queen made tea for Stalin-Luce- hating Krushchev, Luce helicoptered to London piloted by Queen's consort, Duke of Edinburgh (pronounced by French Ed-Ham-Burg).

He dined at exclusivet West-End Club to meet and key-note for Claire's campaign to succeed wealthy ambassador Winthrop

*Milk in last ; centuries old U-habit of tea-brew- ing, purple-blooded, British Royalty, originally introduced from Paris in 1491 by Mistress of Robes, fabulous, legendary, Lady Nancy (no middle initial) Mitford.

"Whom do they exclude?" asked forth-right, egalitarian, posh Harvard-trained, grammarian Luce. The porter, briefed by posh plush Miss J. ([or Jolly) Montague cryptically replied "Lord Alistair Granard because his name was Forbes before he succeeded to the title. They're working on a very old list".

Rockefeller at St. George's Court, red- baiting Dr. Hewlet Jonson, Canterbury's influential Archbishop, leading Royal matchmaker, Carmen di Sapio lent-leased by governess Narriman; he is taking out British naturalisation papers to head up Claire's campaign, and Lady P. (for Prudence) Berry, younger sister of glamo- rous Marchioness Kemsley of Kedleston. Leaving that night for Paris to entertain France's perfume-peddling, Republican President Coty at grouse hunt, recently acquired by Time Inc. from executors of late Lord Norwich in upper-crusty Forest of Chantilly, screamed exuberant, glib,

FAST AND LUCE

Tea for Two at Windsor.

word-spinning Luce: "If you will elect Claire I promise to send Nasser here to run her public relations. Then everything will be what you Limeys call O.K."

At week-end loquacious Luce, after cir- cumaviating globe, overnightly stopping Cairo to brief protégé Nasser, was back in Brooklyn's hide - out Waldorf - Astoria, gigantic six - thousand - roomed palace recently bought from fellow-publisher Lord Astor of Hever, ennobled, up-graded, younger brother of Lord William Astor owner of far-famed Clivedon, British politi- cal power station and onetime haven of Britain's famed "Souls". Waiting group of respectful, deferential, feudal-minded edi- tors, associates were graciously, gargantu- anly, Lucedly admitted the secrets of many world's past, present and future, in 16 hours' exposé. In passionate parentheses perora- tor Luce enthused associates with world- wide responsibilities of American aristo- cracy which he has sparked, founded, estab- lished. Urged he, pungently, succinctly, cogently, near convincingly : "All our staffers should be as proud to say am a Luceman' as London reporters are to boast 'I am a Kemsleyman' ". Calculated to be welcomed by Timeconsuming, Lifedevour- ing, Formnehunting Fellowcountrymen and Fellowcountrywomen was this bold asser- tion of nature's aristocrat, Luce,