Charivari

k moral-issue Another influential voice has joined the chorus denouncing President Nixon. This week an editorial in the Las Vegas magazine Cosa Nostra declared that the Watergate transcripts proved that the President " lacks the concern for morality, or high principles, for the high ideals of public office that it is essential any man in his position roust show when he knows he talking into a tape recorder."

The magazine has hitherto been regarded as reliably pro-Nixon which makes its about-turn all the more damaging to the White House. I telephoned Cosa Nostra's proprietor Mr Bugsy Mussolini, to inquire about his change of heart. Had it, I asked, anything to do with Nixon's Llieged description of Judge Sirica as a 'wop' (Mr wlussolini is known to be sensitive about such expressions of ethnic prejudice)? " Absolutely not," he assured me. "Obviously any guy who could make a crack like dat is a no-good punk, and if he ain't careful he could end 91) wid a large hole in de pump, but I wanna make it clear dat had nuttin' to do wid our decision, Which wus a unanimous decision of de whole Cosa IV,ostra editorial board. We just felt dat it wus our 000ty to America to say dat somewhere, somehow We gotta draw de line."

, Mr Mussolini, whose salty, Sicilian-Brooklyn Idiom contrasted with the bland prose of the Magazine, was equally forthright when I put it to !1icn that his o.i.vn company, which has many Lliterests besides publishing, has itself sometimes eon accused of going outside the letter of the law. , "Listen, wise guy. Get dis and get dis good. I run 'egitimate businesses. Am I in casinos? Sure I'm in casinos. Am I in groceries? I'm very big in groceries. But dose stories you heard, you ain't 'oen no proof of any of 'em. And you ain't heard no witnesses either. Yeah, I know, once some crazy jerk of a DA tried to get me in front of a' grand jury, but he only had two witnessesand coincidentally dey both got rubbed out in automobile accidents before day could testify. It wuz

sad.

"Sure, I got competitors dat don't like de way I run cle company, dat are jealous of my success. But it don't mean nuttin'. You gotta believe me dat if you heard de tapes of my business discussions you'd be amazed at de idealism, de generosity, de patriotism. Ask any of my partners. Bugsy, dey always tell me, de Pope in Rome ain't a better Christian. Only, of course, up to now we didn't make no tapes. From here on in I aim to start recording our meetings just so de customers can get to know what nice fellers dey're doing business wid."

" All your meetings, Mr Mussolini?" "Of course not, dumbcluck, what kind of a nut doya tink I am?"

Didn't he, I asked finally, fell any sympathy with the President 'he had formerly supported?

" I don't have no time to teei sorry tor a man Oat digs his own grave. But I'll tellya what. If de guy can prove to me he never bad-talked Italians and if he can learn to keep his stinking tape recorder switched off, mebbe I can find him a job in de organisation."

Hands off our drugs

The Guardian, a newspaper which is old enough to know better, is busy again stirring up discontent against the wise and benevolent corporations by which, thank God, our economic life is still largely ruled. This time the complaint is that a number of pharmaceutical companies continue to market in this country drugs which they have been forced to withdraw from the American market because the United States Food and Drugs Administration has pronounced them ineffective. In answer to the Guardian's rantings, the medical director of the Association of British Pharmaceutical Industry has rightly pointed out that the FDA has not actually pronounced the drugs in question ineffective, it has merely stated that there is no evidence of their effectiveness.

Exactly so, and the same point has been made to me most cogently by a spokesman for Placebo Laboratories Ltd, one of the largest firms of its kind in the country. Its product Hydromentine, advertised as a remedy for depression and hangovers, has been forced off the market in America on the grounds that, containing nothing other than distilled water and peppermint flavouring, it cannot be supposed to be efficacious. Perhaps not, I was told, but there's no evidence either that it does no good. On the contrary, Placebo's files are full of unsolicited testimonials from patients who certainly believe that flydromentine does do them good. If the cheerful tone of their letters is anything to go by, their depression at least has been relieved.

Placebo points out that the label on every bottle of the drug bears instructions that, on the days when it is being taken, at a normal dosage of two tablespoonfuls ‘very hour, patients must cut out any consumption of alcohol. If the instructions are followed, and all indications are that most patients • follow them religiously, that in itself is bound to have a beneficial effect.

In tests of their own, carried out in this country, Placebo scientists found that the average age at death of a group of regular users of Hydromentine (who naturally drank no alcohol) was considerably higher than that of a control group which took none of the drug (but was allowed to consume as much alcohol as desired). On the basis of this research the company at one time considered promoting Hydromentine as the drug that 'helps you live longer.'

Anxious to avoid any imputation of -dishonesty, Placebo decided to scrap the slogan. As the clamour from the consumerist corner shows, its sacrifice went entirely unappreciated.

Golden oldie

While I deplore the Guardian's mischief-making, I have nothing but the highest admiration for the campaign being waged by the editor of The Times to restore the gold standard. Unfortunately Mr, Rees-Mogg's eloquent pleas appear to have fallen on stony ground. I can only hope that his next campaign, which I hear will be to persuade all gentlemen to wear top hats in public, will be attended with more successs

Chad Babble