The thoughts of Chairman Bun
PUNDITRY KENNETH ALLSOP
A devastating attack on the failure of Parlia- ment to bridge the gap between our legislators and the public was delivered last night by Mr Hedgehog Bun, the well-known all-purpose pundit whose three-and-a-half-hour television monologues on technology have become so much a part of the nation's life.
'Politics is really too important to be left to politicians,' said Mr Bun, 'and somehow we must find some new way of introducing into the Houses of Parliament literate, sober speech, coherent thinking and—although I realise that this may sound absurdly idealistic—occasional formal references to the principle of freedom of expression in a democratic society.'
Addressing the Compulsory Viewing Con- trol Commission and the small detail of Thought Police standing at the side of the hall, their batons at the 'at ease' position, Mr Bun accused Parliament of being biased, sen-
sational, trivial and exchisive. The fact that he seldom entered the chamber, and indeed was almost totally ignorant of the variety and ex- tent of debate therein, did not, Mr Bun emphasised, prevent him from criticising the partiality and prejudice of Mrs in general and the Government in particular. He could not, after all, be expected to know what he was talking about when he was too busy doing other things to be present in the public gallery.
Because of Members' determination to hang on to their seats and collect their £3,250 a year, while brazenly disregarding the electorate's contempt and distrust, continued Mr Bun, 'im- portant subjects were skimped, important dis- cussions were telescoped and conflicts artificially sharpened. The result was inevitably to make for triviality and superficiality, over- simplifying what was immensely complicated and sensationalising almost everything that was touched upon.'
What was wrong with the system at West- minster, Mr Bun charged, was that availability of access was too restricted, limited to a few hundred incompetents foolishly chosen by a gullible and steamrollered populace.
'The House of Commons consists of this host of logrollers and gasbags who, by curious anachronistic tradition, carry with them some suggestion of authority, who may even shape
the thinking of that section of the- population which is mentally subnormal and uneducable. The fundamental misconception is that the duty and function of an Ml'-requires a certain minimum of skill and knowledge. That, of course, is demonstrably ridiculous. Anyone with one or two 0-levels and unimpaired vocal cords is perfectly well equipped to take his place in the Commons and drone on in- definitely, while the remainder of the gathering finish the Evening Standard crossword (those, naturally, intellectually capable of doing so) or sleep off the libation available in the all• night bar.'
The danger was, he warned, that the present select band of nes had almost, in their own eyes, become apostles. The gap between truth and self-aggrandisement had widened out of sight. The tendency toward a personality cult had led individual politicians to the pompous notion that their banal and erroneous oratory commanded serious attention. This was to con- fuse the limited privilege they had, perhaps misguidedly, been permitted by voters with the delusion of permanent and unlimited power.
'The Government has gravely failed to pro- vide the means by which all society's interests and obsessions can be given unlimited hearing —as one might say, to publish them verbally at Gone With the Wind length (I personally would prefer to make the analogy with the Holy Bible) through this vital medium of com- munication.
'For instance, I, as a member of the lay public, am not permitted to stand at the front bench and stun the sensibilities of everyone within range by talking as long as I like about any subject I like, especially about myself. I have, therefore, to resort to the British Broad- casting of Corporal Punishment's Tv studios to find an outlet for my vapourings. Were it not for this single constricted outlet I would not, last Thursday, have been able to monopolise the entire evening's air-time by entertaining millions of locked-in viewers with an illustrated lecture about my stamp collection. Nor, at the time, would-I haile been able fully to explain the fascinating thinking that preceded my re- nunciation of my peerage. That this dissertation took a week or two longer than The Forsyte Saga will be readily appreciated by all those who recognise the vital importance to the com- munity at large of my remaining a commoner in every sense of the phrase.'
Mr Bun then turned to the means that must immediately be employed to throw open the Houses of Parliament to all. He deplored the reactionary, non-Fabian idea that the liberty to address the nation from the ultimate seat of authority should be subject to such trite qualifications as public speaking, experience of procedure and expertise in anything in par- ticular.
'It is now a prime task to find some way of bringing the Government to heel,' he con- cluded. 'It must be based on a firm framework of threats, secret pressures, open bullying and severe discipline. In Parliament we have an instrument of responsible communication quite capable of being refashioned to meet our needs in the 'seventies and 'eighties. The fact that cabinet ministers are hopelessly inefficient and deceitful can easily be concealed not so much by the creation of a heavily armed National Guard to ensure law, order and obedience, but by this brilliant idea of mine to anaesthetise the nation into a state of comatose boredom by my endless drivel.'
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