AFTERTHOUGHT
Summer reductions
JOHN WELLS
F&CO INTERNAL MEMORANDUM TO ALL DE- PARTMENTS. SUBJECT SUMMER HOLIDAY ARRANGEMENTS. EAT AFTER READING.
The amount of suffering caused by the Nigerian Civil War has now reached such proportions as to become intolerable. Mrs Wilson, the wife of our Prime Minister, underwent agonies of embarrassment on arriving in Sweden recently when a human skeleton, draped with some inane anti-Bri- tish slogan, was brandished in her husband's face by a group of local degenerates. The Foreign Secretary himself, as you may know, has been pained in the extreme by the merciless and brutal attacks that have been made on him, both inside and outside Parliament, by rebel supporters. And when long-haired so-called `idealists' start sprawl- ing on the steps of these offices, causing in- convenience to civil servants going about their daily work, then the time has come when decent humanity must surely hold up its hand and say 'Stop! This has gone on long enough!'
Many of you, I know, are about to go off on your summer holidays: like the majority of ordinary, decent people in this country, you do not wish to have your well- earned repose disturbed by news of further outrages of this kind. Furthermore, in com- mon also with the mass of sensible men and women everywhere, you must be anxious that the unpleasant civil war itself should be brought to a close as swiftly as possible with a minimum of fuss. I am, therefore, circulating a new, and 1 think imaginative, plan to achieve both these objectives. It has still to be 'rubber-stamped' by the Govern- ment, but we have experienced no problems in that area during the last two years, and you may feel confident as you bask in your deck-chair that dynamic action is afoot, and then when you return our problems should all, with a bit of luck, be over.
What, first of all, is the situation? Hmo's paramount interest in Nigeria—and I think the time has now come to speak plainly about this—is money. The best way of mak- ing money is to keep the country together in a single economic unit, to 'buy' which- ever negroes we need to protect our in- terests, and to keep the mass of the con- sumer population quiet and friendly. These objectives were all relatively easy to achieve both in the conservative north and in the easy-going west, but the Ibo has consis- tantly thwarted us, either by encouraging discontent by wholesale education, or by interfering with time-hallowed practices connected with bribing and purchasing native leaders, or worst of all by making a great deal of money themselves. When tens of thousands of them therefore were massa- cred in 1966, HMG could hardly believe its good fortune, and when in 1967 they seceded, thus committing as a race a crime for which they could be shot, the cham- pagne as you may remember flowed almost as fast as the arms to ensure that they were.
During the last two years the picture has grown less rosy. Initially it was hoped that a 'quick kill' or 'police action' lasting a few weeks would suffice to fillet the Ibos, re- moving their leaders and intellectuals and giving them such a thumping as a race that they wouldn't bother us for another hun- dred years. Owing to the abysmal incom- petence of the Nigerians however, who suc- ceeded in making a complete balls-up of the whole operation even with the most sophisticated weapons that money could buy, this did not come off. As the war has dragged on HMG has very naturally been delighted at the future profits to be had from the immense quantities of arms sup- plied on credit, and has been comforted as would any ordinary, decent individual, by the sight of black men killing each other: but there has been a sense of frus- tration.
This sense of frustration has sprung prin- cipally, I think, from the interference of the Red Cross and other busybodies: to start with, it is true, the Red Cross in particu- lar was most co-operative with HMG, accept- ing that it would be difficult to deliver food until the 'final push' had been completed, but more recently they have proved both pigheaded and obstinate. Also, despite the quite excellent work of those 'common- wealth correspondents' accredited to this office, unpleasant details of the war have reached the public, stirred up disquiet, and this in turn has necessitated the dispatch of various 'neutral observers', 'aid co-ordin- ators', and even the Prime Minister himself on time-wasting charades. What, therefore, is to be done?
HMG has already done a great deal in the last few weeks. The Red Cross, providing as they do materials of various kinds which have the diametrically opposite biological effects to those supplied by HMG, have had their wings very severely clipped: British instructors, working hand in hand with East German mercenary pilots, are preparing for the final closure of all Biafra's landing strips, to ensure total rather than partial starvation: but this is clearly not enough. I have therefore authorised Dr Ezra Quay. ermass, MBE, of the Biological Warfare Establishment at Porton Down, to prepare several canisters of bubonic plague bacillus to be fitted to a light aircraft and sprayed over secessionist territory during the hours of darkness. The aeroplane will be supplied by a British firm, and may well be effective in breaking the Russian stranglehold on Nigerian air force contracts.
During the short period of unpleasant- ness before Federal troops move in, it seems possible that there may be pressure for another emergency debate. The usual argu- ments should however suffice to sway the House, and the Foreign Secretary will read a specially prepared speech, condemning Ojukwu for his intransigence and lack of concern for the fate of his people. This should, I think, wrap it up. I need hardly say that the press show every indication of continuing their absolutely splendid work in preventing any unpleasantness for this office in what might have been a very tricky situation. I hope you will all have a won- derful holiday. Good luck to you all, and may God bless each and every one of you.
Previous page
